In keeping with Stanley's recent push for the three of us meet and do things other than eating and drinking, Carl the dense one and I found ourselves with sweating alongside Stanley the sex bunny and various men in all shapes and sizes.
Carl was in his element, feeling confident and right at home at Fitness First. With his python sized biceps and a puffed up chest that looks like an amour made out of flesh, Carl struts around the gym with an easy air of superiority.
Stanley's air wasn't so superior. It was very breathy. Our sex bunny friend was huffing and puffing, struggling to steady his hands with a 12kg dumb bell.
I have never been one to enjoy gymming.
Even in my NS days when I was at my fitness peak, I've never been able to bulk up.
Yet, the three of us, in our mid-40s, are still in great shape.
"I had an epiphany the other day," said Stanley, the king of epiphanies.
"What now," I said.
"Adam, you lift like a girl," Carl said without judgement. "5kg is too light for you."
"I like lifting like a girl," I said. "Anything heavier than 5kg and I'll end up having swollen muscles like yours."
Carl gasped and covered his biceps protectively from my harsh comments.
"As I was saying," Stanley said after his last set on the bench, "I think I want to dedicate my time to finding a man."
A plump girl who was stretching on a yoga mat a few metres away looked in our direction and secretly turned down her AirPod volume.
"Do you mean a man for sex?" Carl asked.
The plump girl stretched towards us for better listening.
"Well, yes and no. I am on a prowl and I want to find a proper boyfriend but I won't turn down any delicious side dishes along the way," Stanley said.
The plump girl, whose core could no longer defy her own weight nor gravity, could hold it no longer and lost her balance.
Stanley didn't bat an eyelid even as Carl went over to help her. Carl really feels at home in a gym. He knows exactly where the dumbells are, what each machine is for, has friends around the gym and doesn't look out of place with his bulky frame.
"And haven't you already been doing that, Stan? Looking for men?" I asked.
"Well, yes, but I think I need to widen my search. I'm not looking hard enough," Stanley said.
"This looks hard enough or not," Carl asked, flexing his arms as he returned to the conversation after his heroic duty.
"Wow you are witty in the gym, Carl," Stanley noted.
Carl took a self-invented bow, curtsying while flexing his biceps.
Stanley and I moved away from Carl and took our conversation to the water cooler.
According to Stanley, his time is now or never.
At 45, he's no longer at his prime but he's lucky enough to still look good.
His body is still passable for a swipe-right because he does maintain his figure well.
"But I can't guarantee I'll look like this forever," Stanley said.
"It's not easy for gay people to get attached the older they get. Sometimes, I'd rather be a straight man cos they have it so easy. Women don't judge men the way gay men judge men."
"But Stan, finding a partner isn't as easy as going to the fish market to select whatever you want you know."
"True, but there's an art and a science to it all," Stanley said, sounding slightly crazy.
Our conversation was interrupted by Carl who was grunting away with a particularly heavy set.
"First, there must commitment. For me, it's a case of the spirit is willing and the flesh is not weak. Oh no. The flesh is not at all weak. It's very hungry," Stanley said.
From the corner of my eye, the plump girl crept up towards us and listened in.
"Once I have that mindset that I'm ready for a man, my physical body and mindset will adjust themselves and get ready for a manhunt," Stanley reasoned, sounding crazier by the minute.
Also adjusting her physical body was the plump girl who found these two chatty gay men more interesting than her yoga stretching. She continued standing near us but launched into some yoga pose just to prove she was there to workout, not eavesdrop.
"So what are your action plans, Stan?"
"Trust me, my action plans involve a lot of hip thrusts."
Plump girl lost her balance momentarily.
"First, it's the mindset. If you open up your mind to receive the men in your life, the men will come," said Stanley who has reached levels of craziness that's beyond help.
Plump girl instinctively switched to a happy baby pose as if she too wants to open up and receive men.
"What did I miss," said Carl whose veins on his temples, neck and biceps were about to burst but hadn't broken a sweat.
"Stanley wants to strategise and find a man," I summed it up.
"Good for you bro!" Carl said, and gave Stanley a friendly Mike-Tyson punch.
"Who even is he," Stanley asked me in disbelief, seeing how a gym-Carl is so different from the outside-of-gym Carl.
"I'm just afraid that I'll no longer be physically attractive and no men will want me," Stanley said.
"But if men want you only for your physical looks, they don't deserve you at all, Stan."
Plump girl nods in agreement.
But Stanley is clear.
He wants to -- needs to -- find a man ASAP. One who could potentially be his lifetime partner because he wants to be attached.
Knowing Stanley, he's the type who would go all out to achieve his goal.
"I'm rooting for you, if that's what you want," I said.
Plump girl wiped a tear from her eyes.
"Yes. I want a man. But for now, I think I need a woman. A supportive woman who has been in my life and not left me since."
And then Stanley went over to plump girl, introduced himself and shook her hand.
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