Pure Bottom

"All my adult life, I've always thought that bottom life is fucking fun," Stanley said the moment his perky butt made contact with the wooden stool at Balestier.

"I am at my bottom most right now - and trust me, sisters, my life is neither filled with fucks nor fun," he added wistfully.

It's Friday night, and the only way to cheer our friend - who recently lost his job (and appetite for sex) - was to agree to eat durian with him.

So there we were, Stanley, Carl and I seated among hordes of tourists at Combat Durian in Balestier, right after a light dinner of pig intestines soup nearby.

Carl looked uneasy and said, "I shouldn't have eaten an entire bowl of rice just now".

"Anyway," Carl began with one of his two favourite clutch words.

"How's everyone?"

"I'm doing just great, Carl," Stanley said with a pout, as if he were a neglected puppy.

"No job, no sex, no life," he continued. "Just great."

"Consider this a lull period for yourself, girl," I said. "Like a detox week or something. Don't think of your joblessness, or sex, or whatever. Just be yourself."

"Ooooh, yummy," Stanley cut in, perking up momentarily as a fair skinned young man with sharp features and thick eyebrows which looked like charred caterpillars approached us with our Red Prawn durian.

"Mmmmmm.... God bless this young man who brings us the promised fruits," Stanley said with meaning, jiggling his shoulders for effect.

The young man was either deaf, dense like our friend Carl, or couldn't comprehend a word of English.

Thank goodness.

"I feel so thorny right now," Stanley said, biting his lips, looking pointedly at the young man and his basket of fruits.

One China tourist turned to our direction and smiled with amusement at our table. 

"Okay, maybe, don't be too much of yourself," I stepped in before Stanley stole the limelight of Combat Durian and made our table the real tourist attraction.

I could see Stanley's weariness fade away as the durians were set on our table.

For Stanley, durians can solve all of life's problems.

"There're many things going on in my mind but this moment, we eat. We focus on making these durians disappear. We think of nothing but pure enjoyment for now, girls," he said as he reached out for the plastic gloves on the table.

"Condom, or raw?" he held out both hands like an air steward on duty.

"In this case, raw," Carl said with glee. "The only time when protection takes away the real enjoyment," he continued, as he split open our first fruit of the night.

"Ooooo, so man," Stanley said, clapping rapidly.

Carl beamed and began jiggling his chest muscles, which made Stanley cheer even louder.

The next 10 minutes were spent in silence, punctuated only by Stanley's moan of pleasure, as we successfully polished off four large durians.

The next part of our Friday night was spent in Stanley's car, where many of our important life conversations were exchanged.

"So," Carl said with his other favourite clutch word.

"How's everyone feeling now?"

Stanley belched durian vapour, sniffed the air and sighed with satisfaction.

"Can somebody wind down the window for God's sake?"

 "No! I'm depressed and we die together if need be," Stanley said.

Carl shifted uncomfortably in the back seat.

"Did you just fart, Carl?!" Stanley shrieked seconds later.

Carl bit his lips nervously.

"Yay! We're all going to die in my car!" Stanley cheered loudly.

As the post durian drama subsided, Stanley turned towards me and Carl and confessed that his past week hadn't been very successful.

"I know I had put on a brave front, boys. But I can't lie to you boys."

Boys.

The key word that marks the tone of our discussion.

When Stanley talks about anything frivolous, we're his girls. When he talks about anything serious, we're his boys.

While I like the serious Stanley, now's not exactly a time to celebrate.

Stanley had a roller coaster week - and not in a good way either.

One day, he was senior management. That very night, he was made redundant.

Sure, he had our support and love and Carl and I were even prepared to loan him money if he needed it.

But these life episodes, you face alone, regardless of whether you're attached, have a group of close friends, or whether your family is closely knit or not.

Right after Stanley decided that he was going to be fine, he returned home and began overthinking things.

For him, money wasn't exactly a huge problem.

Without a job, it meant that his massive amount of savings would now be used to tide him over meanwhile (which can last him five years) instead of spending it on mortgage or renovation or furnishing his would-be apartment.

For Stanley, it is self -doubt that is the problem.

"I feel like I'm not worthy of anything," Stanley said wistfully in his car.

"I can understand if I'm being dumped by a guy - 'cos I would probably have contributed to that. But I work so damn hard, slogged so damn many hours for my stupid boss and now, they simply sever ties with me. I don't understand."

Well, Stanley, neither do we.

What I do understand is that for every painful episode, we need to heal and move on.

Sometimes, revisiting the reason behind that painful experience is necessary for some form of healing or closure.

But revisiting that reason for too long a period does no one any good.

Perhaps, one thing we need to realise is that most of us invest too much into our work - and I'm not talking about time.

Investing time in our work is important. One of the most important aspects of career building, if you ask me.

But if we invest emotions into our work, now, that becomes a totally different ball game.

Because emotions at work isn't essential.

It hinders our work, it clouds our view.

That is probably why we feel so upset. So angry. So indignant when things don't work out the way we want it at work.

Because we attach too much emotions to our projects.

I'm just thinking - if we were to approach work in a very clinical or even robotic manner, wouldn't we feel less pain if things didn't work out?

If we're all standing in a production line and one of the robots screws things up, the next logical sequence is for everyone to stop the work flow and solve the problem, right?

We wouldn't see the robots group together for a smoke afterwards, and hear them say things like "Cheebye lah bro. See lah, now we have so much lanjiao sai gang to do because of you."

Of course, it's easy for me to psycho-analyse these issues now, in the comfort of my own office, where I'm still gainfully employed. Even if I'm clocking in time on a Saturday.

But still, this is one issue I think we need to address.

To first drain out the emotions we have at work as a first line of defence and protection for ourselves, such that even if things don't work out - or if we get sacked - we can handle it without feeling too emotional.

I shared my thoughts with Stanley and Carl in our group chat.

And it's only hours later, when Stanley read it.

"I'm still sleeping and lying in bed. Feeling very unproductive" he wrote.

"I have so much time and so much sperm in me but I'm not doing anything much with them."

"I am rotting away," he typed.

J my partner told me to leave Stanley alone for now.

In J's wise words: "Feeling rotten is also an important part of the healing process.

"Imagine if you put on a brave front for so long, it's just going to wear you down.

"For now, let Stanley be. Let him feel rotten and let him cry his heart out if he needs to. Don't interrupt.

"Your job is to draw up a timeline for Stanley. If you think his rotting is prolonged, then you step in.

"Because when someone is at rock bottom, the only way out is to climb up. And when that happens, you make sure you give him that helping hand."

Just half an hour ago, I shared with Stanley what J said.

"I love him, Adam. I love that J is so wise," he wrote.

"But I cannot imagine that when I am in my Rock Bottom mode and you come and give me that helping hand. I'm not lesbian. I might retreat into my hole even further," he said.