That, or Stanley needed to pee.
"Hurry,
hurry, hurry!" Stanley said impatiently. This time, he was lying on his
back on J's sofa, his legs pedalling an imaginary bicycle in the air.
"What on earth are you doing, Stan?"
"I'm cycling! I love J's sofa! I love J's apartment!" my random sex-bunny-of-a-friend Stanley replied.
"What on earth are you doing, Stan?"
"I'm cycling! I love J's sofa! I love J's apartment!" my random sex-bunny-of-a-friend Stanley replied.
"Food's ready!" J announced.
As J
dished out the steaming pot of his famous chicken stew, Stanley
hurriedly ushered every one to his seat as if we were all late for the
Last Supper and the host was starting to subconsciously
drum his fingers on the table.
"Jesus, hurry up everyone," Stanley said urgently.
J took a seat beside Stanley, opposite Carl and me.
And
even before we could open up our napkins, Stanley spoke rapidly: "Okay,
J thank you for having us over and cooking for us and in line with your
Holy ways, let's say grace."
And before any of us could react, Stanley added very quickly, "Grace!"
As J passed the toasted French loaves around, Stanley wasted no time in starting the topic he'd been dying to discuss.
His recent job interview.
Last week, Stanley - who was recently retrenched - got called back for a second round of job interview.
According to Stanley, his chances are quite high, but he's concerned that the firm is relatively small.
And Stanley the size queen is worried.
"Why worry so much? You can always go for all the interviews then decide slowly, no?" J asked.
"Oh, my dearest J," Stanley looked at him as if J were a naive little boy.
"Of course you wouldn't need to worry - you work for a huge law firm," Stanley said before adding "and anything that's huge and firm and lawful is always a recipe for a very, very good time."
J giggled at the random comment. Carl helped himself to chicken stew. I rolled my eyes.
"You see, size is very important to me - in all sense of the word," Stanley continued, setting his cutlery down - a worrying sign because that means he's likely to go on and on about sex at the dinner table.
"First and foremost, the smaller the company, the more likely your boss will micromanage you," Stanley said with concern.
"But he'll be disappointed because hunny, when anyone manages me, I can guarantee him that they're handling nothing that's micro about me," Stanley continued, stroking his French loaf tenderly.
"What are your thoughts, Carl?" Stanley asked our dense friend.
Carl froze in mid-feed, and began processing the question, allowing his spoonful of chicken stew - just inches away from his mouth - to start dripping.
"Oh, so that's how it looks from a third-party point of view," Stanley said like an analyst as he observed Carl's frozen and arguably controversial pose.
"Stan, please, can we stop talking about sex over food?" I begged.
"What were you thinking, Adam? I'm always rim and proper at dinner tables," Stanley replied raising a lone eyebrow.
Carl looked very confused - likely because his brain can only process one set of data at a time, and the speed of Stanley's gear-switching is causing a lot of white noise and fuzz in Carl's mind.
"Never mind, Carl, you just put that dripping piece of meat in your mouth and swallow," Stanley said helpfully, and looked at me with cheeky defiance.
Last week, Stanley - who was recently retrenched - got called back for a second round of job interview.
According to Stanley, his chances are quite high, but he's concerned that the firm is relatively small.
And Stanley the size queen is worried.
"Why worry so much? You can always go for all the interviews then decide slowly, no?" J asked.
"Oh, my dearest J," Stanley looked at him as if J were a naive little boy.
"Of course you wouldn't need to worry - you work for a huge law firm," Stanley said before adding "and anything that's huge and firm and lawful is always a recipe for a very, very good time."
J giggled at the random comment. Carl helped himself to chicken stew. I rolled my eyes.
"You see, size is very important to me - in all sense of the word," Stanley continued, setting his cutlery down - a worrying sign because that means he's likely to go on and on about sex at the dinner table.
"First and foremost, the smaller the company, the more likely your boss will micromanage you," Stanley said with concern.
"But he'll be disappointed because hunny, when anyone manages me, I can guarantee him that they're handling nothing that's micro about me," Stanley continued, stroking his French loaf tenderly.
"What are your thoughts, Carl?" Stanley asked our dense friend.
Carl froze in mid-feed, and began processing the question, allowing his spoonful of chicken stew - just inches away from his mouth - to start dripping.
"Oh, so that's how it looks from a third-party point of view," Stanley said like an analyst as he observed Carl's frozen and arguably controversial pose.
"Stan, please, can we stop talking about sex over food?" I begged.
"What were you thinking, Adam? I'm always rim and proper at dinner tables," Stanley replied raising a lone eyebrow.
Carl looked very confused - likely because his brain can only process one set of data at a time, and the speed of Stanley's gear-switching is causing a lot of white noise and fuzz in Carl's mind.
"Never mind, Carl, you just put that dripping piece of meat in your mouth and swallow," Stanley said helpfully, and looked at me with cheeky defiance.
Stanley
looked like he was about to spew his next vulgar comment when - "Wow, J, I
could marry you if not for the fact that my best friend Adam and you are
sleeping with each other behind my back."
"You make the best stew, J," Stanley sighed with gratification, his mouth chewing busily.
"There's
only one other time when my mouth is filled with warm, gooey stuff and I feel
like I'm in heaven," Stanley said, stirring his soup bowl and preparing
for his next spoonful, "and trust me
- yours is way more savoury."
Carl set his soup spoon down and tried very hard to presumably erase all mental images pumped into his head during dinner.
"Adam, you are one lucky bitch," Stanley said, slurping the stew noisily. "Your boyfriend's stew is so rich."
"And your boyfriend is so rich," he said, turning to J.
J giggled and ladled more stew into Stanley's bowl.
"And speaking of rich," Stanley said, "I need to get back on track with my work life. This is my first job interview in weeks - one that is quite likely to land me my next pay check."
As our Saturday night dinner progressed, Stanley aired his concern over working for smaller companies.
Apart from fearing that a small team would mean more mirco-managing, Stanley was worried about the company's overall bottom line.
"And you can imagine why I'm so concerned," Stanley the pure bottom said.
"And then, if the company cannot do well, what will happen to my boners?" he said, obviously on a roll.
"Oh, I am so funny!" Stanley cheered himself on, entertaining himself.
Carl, who was stuffing his face with his third bowl of chicken stew, clapped along by way of habit.
But Stanley's worries are not unfounded.
Years ago, we did have a discussion about company sizes: Whether one would rather work for an MNC or settle for a small-size company.
Back then, we all readily agreed that when it comes to employment, size matters. The bigger and more reputable the company, the better.
Until Stanley - whose previous company was a huge and reputable firm - decided to retrench him.
In fact, Stanley's entire team in Singapore was axed.
Which is why our Saturday dinner topic was really good food for thought.
"Do you think if I were to work for a lesser firm - which is smaller in size, I will be at a disadvantage?"
Stanley's question was pointedly posed to J my wise partner. An indication that Stanley had decided to close his chapter of making sex jokes and is now ready for real answers.
Sadly, J the litigator could only present Stanley both sides of the argument but really, Stanley has to be the judge of it.
And in J's words, he'll have to think about how his role in his would-be firm can propel him forward.
To which, Stanley quickly interrupted: "Oh, my role always propels me forward, backward, sideways - in all possible positions you can imagine."
And just as quickly, he added: "Sorry J - please go on. I just had to grab that opportunity when I saw it."
And just like that, Stanley straightened up.
"Wait. I think I just gave myself the answer."
Carl looked up from sipping his tea and cocked his head sideways - clearly because he hadn't been following.
"I need to grab opportunities when I see them!" Stanley said as if he discovered a formula to slow down global warming.
Just then, my partner J gently encouraged Stanley.
"And if you're in a small company, wouldn't that make you a big fish in a small pond?
Stanley lit up even further - and I really couldn't decide whether it was because J made a good point, or he thought the big-fish-small-pond analogy was yet another platform for him to make another sex reference.
"It doesn't apply to me," Stanley replied.
"I'm always the small pond that's explored by the big fish," he added and roared with laughter.
"And speaking of rich," Stanley said, "I need to get back on track with my work life. This is my first job interview in weeks - one that is quite likely to land me my next pay check."
As our Saturday night dinner progressed, Stanley aired his concern over working for smaller companies.
Apart from fearing that a small team would mean more mirco-managing, Stanley was worried about the company's overall bottom line.
"And you can imagine why I'm so concerned," Stanley the pure bottom said.
"And then, if the company cannot do well, what will happen to my boners?" he said, obviously on a roll.
"Oh, I am so funny!" Stanley cheered himself on, entertaining himself.
Carl, who was stuffing his face with his third bowl of chicken stew, clapped along by way of habit.
But Stanley's worries are not unfounded.
Years ago, we did have a discussion about company sizes: Whether one would rather work for an MNC or settle for a small-size company.
Back then, we all readily agreed that when it comes to employment, size matters. The bigger and more reputable the company, the better.
Until Stanley - whose previous company was a huge and reputable firm - decided to retrench him.
In fact, Stanley's entire team in Singapore was axed.
Which is why our Saturday dinner topic was really good food for thought.
"Do you think if I were to work for a lesser firm - which is smaller in size, I will be at a disadvantage?"
Stanley's question was pointedly posed to J my wise partner. An indication that Stanley had decided to close his chapter of making sex jokes and is now ready for real answers.
Sadly, J the litigator could only present Stanley both sides of the argument but really, Stanley has to be the judge of it.
And in J's words, he'll have to think about how his role in his would-be firm can propel him forward.
To which, Stanley quickly interrupted: "Oh, my role always propels me forward, backward, sideways - in all possible positions you can imagine."
And just as quickly, he added: "Sorry J - please go on. I just had to grab that opportunity when I saw it."
And just like that, Stanley straightened up.
"Wait. I think I just gave myself the answer."
Carl looked up from sipping his tea and cocked his head sideways - clearly because he hadn't been following.
"I need to grab opportunities when I see them!" Stanley said as if he discovered a formula to slow down global warming.
Just then, my partner J gently encouraged Stanley.
"And if you're in a small company, wouldn't that make you a big fish in a small pond?
Stanley lit up even further - and I really couldn't decide whether it was because J made a good point, or he thought the big-fish-small-pond analogy was yet another platform for him to make another sex reference.
"It doesn't apply to me," Stanley replied.
"I'm always the small pond that's explored by the big fish," he added and roared with laughter.
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