Christmas.
"And year-end bonus," Carl our dense friend chimed in like a happy child, as if someone had just handed him a large lollipop.
"And rear-end bonus," Stanley the sex bunny added, unable to help himself, confirming that someone had recently handed him a large lollipop.
"Wanna hear all about it, please?" Stanley begged, hoping to provide some cosmic balance at Takashimaya.
And at this very moment, it's kiddish energy 1: faerie force field 0.
Our collective diva presence is overshadowed by five overly cheery kids squealing and running around the mall in various directions and speeds, the oldest of them pretending to be a noisy airplane.
"I want to personally take these noisy kids down," Stanley said threateningly, gritting his teeth.
"And their cute daddy over there... I want to personally take him down too," Stanley added threateningly, biting his lips.
It's the time of the year when there's lots of eating and merry-making to be had.
The time of the year when I get really busy with catching up with family and loved ones.
Every Christmas Day, I would visit my Godma without fail where her famous Devil's Curry - as well as 'feng', a greenish-looking Eurasian curry made up of chopped liver - would please her large crowd of rowdy, whiskey-chugging guests.
By early-evening, I have to shuttle off to J my partner's place where without fail, his mum would come by to whip up nonya classics including my favourite babi ponteh, chap chye and achar.
As for the boys, it's been our tradition since we started working that we went shopping together.
I had flown back to Singapore for the year-end holidays, and today, the boys and I are ready to shop.
At exactly 11-O-five, we arrived at Takashimaya where we reminded one another that today, we will go all out.
There'd be no holding back.
We have big, fat bonuses to spend.
It seems like the older we get, the lesser control we have, and the more we let go.
"That describes our bladder too, you know that right," Stanley pointed out helpfully.
Carl, who is unwilling to grasp the concept of ageing and is unable to process jokes so early on a Friday morning, responded by staring blankly at the large Takashimaya Christmas tree instead.
It's been quite a while since the three of us had spent time together, even though we had recently caught up in Myanmar.
And so this shopping trip was an important bonding session for all of us.
Stanley, who has the magical ability to turn anything under the sun into a sex joke, looked like he was about to respond to the words "bonding session", but chose to put his arms around me and Carl instead as we set off our happy shopping day.
Our first stop was naturally the men's section, where Carl skipped to the underwear section like he was a kid in a candy store.
"What's with your obsession with buying new underwear Carl?" I ask.
"Let me help you," Stanley said, unable to resist.
"Buying new underwear is hardly an obsession," Stanley began. "Buying used underwear on the other hand, is the obsession the world should worry about."
Stanley looked to Carl for a response but found our dense friend already enthralled in front of the underwear shelves.
Carl loved stocking up on underwear.
Stanley on the other hand, was the opposite.
In fact, he disliked it so much he always tries to get rid of other men's underwear at every opportunity.
As Carl busied himself checking out various expensive brands, Stanley proceeds to examine the models' contents with keen interest, singling out which brands Carl should buy based purely on his assessment of the overall package.
Finally, after spending some 20 minutes picking and choosing, Carl chose six pairs of branded underwear, all in white.
Our next stop was the home appliances section of CK Tang where again, Carl has something to buy.
"I need to get this," Carl said, pointing to an iRobot. "What do you guys think?"
I love it. You should buy it, was Stanley's immediate response.
"I have a lot of affinity with this iRobot," Stanley said affectionately, patting the automated vacuum cleaner.
"I believe we're both created to do the same thing in life."
Carl turned pale on hearing this and decided he didn't need the iRobot after all.
After roaming around for the next two hours - including an ice-cream break at MacDonald's - we stepped into a luxury shop where Carl was about to part with some of his hard-earned money.
He had been eyeing a Bottega wallet for quite some time now, and today, our brand-conscious friend is making that purchase.
As the shop assistant placed a dark blue wallet on the glass counter for a visibly excited Carl to examine, Stanley frowned.
"Hunny, I don't know about this design," Stanley said in hushed tones. "This wallet looks like a ketupat that has way passed its consumption date."
The Bottega sales person, a pleasantly plump Malay girl, giggled uncontrollably at Stanley's remarks.
Carl looked worried and slowly backed away from the wallet.
"You very funny lah sir," the girl, whose name tag read Rosiah, says waving a hand at Stanley.
Up close, her swollen fingers looked like fat, boiled chicken feet.
"This one confirm not ketupat lah, sir," she said merrily.
"If ketupat sure I will eat one. Look at me. Where I will waste food?"
Stanley was stunned and impressed all at the same time that he started to slow clap for Rosiah who responded with another round of hearty giggles.
Sensing a happy ending, Carl joined in and clapped rapidly before committing 700 dollars on the wallet and left the store a happy child.
Meanwhile, Stanley himself too, was having a happy field day shopping.
"This one, this one," Stanley said, nudging me rapidly by the elbow.
"Now that is all I want for Christmas," Stanley said forlornly, looking at the object of his affection, a boyish crew-cut daddy carrying a small girl.
"Ooo, and this one is not bad too," Stanley said, nodding approvingly at another fair, youngish executive with thick eyebrows that looked like charred caterpillars.
While the mantra for Carl today is Shop Till You Drop, for Stanley the sex bunny, it's apparently Shop Till You Drop Your Pants.
For me though, it's Shop Till you Drop Dead.
I had not shopped for a while and this activity is draining.
Plus, I hate crowds.
If not for the boys, I wouldn't have come out during such a crowded season.
"At this moment, all I want is the power to part this crowd like the Red Sea, so that I can pass through it with ease," I said wearily.
Not wanting to let go of this opportunity, Stanley replied immediately: "Darling, if I can choose one power, it would be the power to part not the Red Sea, but something more specific - so that I too can pass through it with ease."
Stanley and I stopped laughing shortly the moment we realised Carl had, as usual, no reaction.
Given that Carl had no biblical context - whether linked to the Old or New Testaments - nor any context in the modern world we currently live in, our dense friend blithely carried on breathing and continued living his blissfully clueless life.
But our dear friend is no loser today.
He's the one lugging the most shopping bags, putting his python-sized biceps to good use.
That afternoon, we were again reminded what a shopaholic Carl can be.
Stanley and I on the other hand, are alcoholics.
"Okay, I need a stiff drink," I said at the end of the trip.
"Mmmm," Stanley replied without missing a beat.
"I can certain do with one of those," he said, obviously not referring to the drink.
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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