When my sex bunny friend calls, it's almost certain that his news involves sex.
True enough, it is about sex.
Specifically, anal sex.
But surprisingly, the main character of his update isn't himself.
It involved Stanley's fag hag Steff, Stanley's best girlfriend from JC.
Steff is a highly successful corporate lawyer -- but not your typical bookish type of lawyer.
While she is studious and serious when she needs to be, this girl also knows how to have fun; fun being the operative word here.
Steff is the type who has no qualms about dating men, or engaging in one-night-stands. She loves her body and isn't afraid to embrace what she likes.
I believe you can see the pattern here, and begin to appreciate this bond of sisterhood between Stanley and Steff.
Steff, who's recently dating an American, had rung Stanley up, bursting with news.
And yes, when Steff calls Stanley, it's about sex.
You get the idea.
"So Steff was telling me that her angmoh partner recently asked her for anal sex," said Stanley, who must have breached some form of Official Secrets Act deal he blood-swore with Steff.
I had to sit down and take this call.
"Go on," I said, channelling calm in my voice.
Apparently, Steff and Pierre, another corporate lawyer based in KL, had been seeing each other for the last few years.
Recently, Pierre brought up the subject of anal sex with Steff.
That shocked Steff.
We're talking about a girl who, at age 18, managed to achieve certain sexual feats no other good RJC girl (or boy) managed to achieve.
"I mean, we're talking about the Steff," Stanley said. "The Steff who has rimmed, blown, swallowed, and even, on one occasion, ventured so far as to lick another woman's messy bits!"
"Does Steff know you're telling me all these things, Stan?" I ask.
"She doesn't read your rubbish blog, if that's what you're concerned about...."
"Okay, then please carry on," I said, reaching out for pen and paper.
So it happened the other night, and when Pierre suggested it, Steff appranetly said 'no'.
And then she rang me up straight away and told me all about it.
Steff asked me when I first discovered I was gay, was I open to anal sex.
"What did you say?"
"I said I was of course open -- wide open, like 7-11, 24/7!"
"No, I meant, what did you advise her, you idiot!"
"To be frank, I was shocked beyond words," said Stanley who never had trouble spewing all sorts of subjects out of his mouth, nor had any trouble stuffing any sort of objects in his mouth.
In fact, Stanley felt angry and a little insulted.
"I mean, we gay men specialise in anal sex. It's the one thing we are capable of doing well. And now these girls want to take it away from us?!"
"Anyway, I told Steff that she should never do it unless she wanted to explore it willingly."
Apparently, Steff was seriously considering it, and had asked Stanley for his opinion.
"You're a smart girl, Steff, so let's talk logic here," Stanley said to her.
"Men have prostates -- so when we have anal sex, it excites us," said Stanley, Power Bottom.
"You women already have vajayjays. So obviously, it's God's way of telling you straight people that this is what you guys should be doing."
"But because God is so great, he made backup plans for men's buttholes, linking it to our prostate so that gays can enjoy ourselves," said Stanley the good Catholic boy.
"So, this means God has segregated the duties very clearly -- you women stick to your disgusting frontal, hetro sex, and we gays stick to our disgusting homo anal sex. And you do not cross the line."
While Steff knows what Stanley is driving at, she couldn't help but ask: "But what if -- just, what if -- I wanted to give it a try? What should I do?"
Out of Stanley's love for Steff, he patiently taught her the art of douching.
"You spray the bidet with full force up your butthole, and then flush out all the dirt... so that when anal sex happens, that area is as pure as can be."
I was told Steff later couldn't wash that image off her mind.
"But, because I love you very much Steff, I must tell you that you shouldn't do it if you're not ready or willing to. I mean, don't take that one job away from gay men. And if Pierre really wants anal sex, then outsource to all the Sarong Party Gay Boys out there," Stanley said.
I thought about this later, and couldn't help but wonder: Why do straight men want to have anal sex at all?
And how do straight men in general view anal sex?
Is it an American thing?
Does this happen when a man has so much sex he can no longer feel pleasure with women parts?
Or is it because deep inside, he's, you know, curious about gay sex?
What is it?
And women.
Which woman would willingly do anal sex if even Steff herself has qualms about doing it?
Stanley later asked if I felt disgusted by the thought of it.
And in all honesty, my answer is yes.
And then it struck me.
While this anal sex between a man and woman is disgusting to me because it's unnatural, this must also be the same way straight men feel about gay anal sex.
There and then, it dawned on me that I am thus, in no position to judge how other couples want to have sex, or where men -- straight or gay -- choose to insert their donks.
For closure, I shared my thoughts with Stanley, who didn't disagree.
"Maybe anal sex is the ultimate form of intimacy and commitment for couples," Stanley concluded, before correcting himself: "Then again, whom am I kidding -- for me, anal sex has nothing to do with commitment."
Eager to contribute something equally intellectual, I gave it a shot.
"Is it because straight men think that assholes are tighter?" I ask Stanley, who, perhaps, in retrospect, isn't exactly the best person to answer this, considering his track record.
---------------------------
Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
No comments:
Post a Comment