Senior Management

 A few months ago, Stanley and I were at our lowest in life.

We were waiting to pay for our groceries at a supermarket in VivoCity when the girl asked us cheerfully: "CHAS member?"

Stanley immediately jumped, assuming CHAS was a membership for the old.

"No," he said in a slow, threatening voice as if he were Cruella.

For the uninitiated, CHAS cards are usually reserved for the older generation who have no or very low household income.

But all Singaporeans are eligible to apply for the CHAS card if they fall below a certain income bracket. 

After a frantic fact check on his phone, Stanley was still furious.

"Do we look poor?" Stanley asked me in horror, as he wheeled our full trolley to the car park.

"I mean, how old does she think we look?" Stanley said.

To be fair, the poor girl probably doesn't know any better and she must surely be reading off the NTUC script for cashiers where they're first supposed to greet you, then ask if you have any of their memberships.

And to be fair, if she had thought we were old, we can't blame her. That tiny girl looked like she's still wearing a training bra.

"Do we look poor?" Stanley asked again, aghast.

"Would poor people buy this number of wines and fill the entire trolley with useless items that can't feed their families properly, like cheddar cheese, rosemary herbs, and kale?"

That was then.

Today, I hit a new low.

I was waiting to pay up at NTUC when the cashier -- who looks to be in her mid-50s -- asked me if I were a senior citizen.

I mustered up my most delightful tone: "I would say yes just to get the discount."

The cashier burst out laughing under her mask.

Then she politely -- and sincerely -- followed up by asking me for my Senior Citizen card so she could key in that discount.

Stanley my sex bunny friend burst out laughing over the phone when I called him immediately to relay my horror.

"Adam, the puzzle is finally solved!" Stanley said when he was done guffawing.

"The VivoCity girl took one look at you and decided YOU were a CHAS card member!"

I mean, do I look that old?

"Maybe it's all the salt-and-pepper hair that misled the aunty," Stanley tried to save the day.

"I was wearing a cap."

Stanley launched into another round of laughter and I'm not sure if he realised I had hung up.

That afternoon, as I walked slowly back to my apartment lugging what must be Senior Citizen food in my plastic bag --canned braised peanuts, Lingam chilli sauce, six cans of beer -- I wonder if I had crossed the age band without realising it.

These days when I run, swim or cycle, I'm always slower than the fittest chick in the park. 

I often find it easier to wake up early in the morning regardless of what time I slept the night before, thereby living the proverbial truth that old people don't sleep much. 

"Why do you care," Stanley said to me later in the day.

"We're fortyish and fabulous!"

I was heartened. 

Then Stanley said, "and you, Adam, are just fortyish." 

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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people