Caregiving

Since younger brother Barry's hospitalisation, the Lees have been frequenting Raffles Hospital.

The youngest of the Lees had made history by being the first Lee to be warded.

"I've always thought it'd be you, or mum lying here," Barry said unthinkingly.

Mrs Lee, who was peeling an orange, paused her activity and turned towards her youngest offspring in the slowest of head turns that's designed to instill fear.

"Just saying," said Barry, realising he's in a most vulnerable state right this moment, what with his left foot propped up on two pillows, restricting any form of urgent escape.

Thanks to Barry's insurance coverage, we could visit him whenever we wanted since he's in a private ward.

And so, my sis, mum and I made an outing out of Barry's hospital visit. 

Mum had made fish soup and brought a basket of fruits which she promptly peeled and fed all her children.

"I've come to appreciate life more," Barry said, biting into an orange wedge, juice dripping on his chin in all directions.

"And I'm determined to use this time to properly detox from all the vices in life I once had."

Mrs Lee, old but still sharp, mused: "What vices, I wonder."

It was a motherly tone -- but a menacing, threatening, step-motherly sort of tone. 

Barry, again realising he's trapped in his hospital bed, turned up his charm dial.

"For a start, I appreciate family love. I mean, you guys coming to see me and show me what it means to be family -- I can't ask for more," he said looking pointedly at Mrs Lee.

Easily appeased by all sorts of flattery, our mum rolled her eyes and said "yes, you better know how tough it is to raise you monkeys."

For the next few days, the Lees rotated among themselves, visiting Barry and buying him meals.

By the end of one week, we'd met almost all the nursing staff on Raffles Hospital.

Barry had made quite a name for himself, spreading his trademark humour and courtesy.

Not to be outdone, Mrs Lee had learned the hospital staff's names, even buying them boxes of cupcakes on one visit.

A happy team of nurses is a good team of nurses, Mrs Lee explained, though I am somewhat convinced it was also party 'cos Mrs Lee wanted to lead in the popularity contest which she's up against her son.

Anyway.

Despite Barry's cheery disposition, I realised seeing him in hospital had taken a toll on me.

Sure, I enjoy chatting with Barry and visiting him, but seeing him in such a state had unwittingly affected me.

I didn't notice it until my partner J pointed out that I was increasingly quiet whenever we both met.

I initially put it down to work burn out though to be honest, I wouldn't be sure of the symptoms since I'd never once felt burnt out.

But I felt those symptoms anyway: Fatigue, loss of appetite, lack of motivation. And I was becoming more and more angsty. 

J forced me to think about what led to this burnout, which I thought I was experiencing.

It wasn't until Barry was finally discharged that I started noticing myself being less tense.

J was right. He wasn't convinced I was burned out. It was the stress of care giving (to be fair, I did minimal work -- I mostly shuttled between my office or rented home and Raffles Hospital). 

But the very act of visiting a loved one in hospital did affect me.

I of course didn't tell Barry how I felt.

As I thought about this recent episode, it hit me that tending to a loved one when he or she is ill, can be a potentially daunting experience.

As I type this now, Barry is back home and is adapting to his daily tasks: Moving on crutches to go from his bedroom to the bathroom. And though he had learned from his occupational therapist how to get up and down a flight of stairs, Barry decided not to put that to the test and remained in his bedroom for the most part of his medical leave.

He's still being tendered to lovingly by mum whom he still lives with, and by me and my sis who'd visit him occasionally. 

When I told J that caregiving was stressful, he said nothing.

He simply came forward and gave me a hug.

At that point, all I wished was there wouldn't come a day when I have to be a caregiver to my partner J.

Why, oh why do I have to grow up -- and old -- this soon.

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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people