It is cheesy.
It's a gimmick.
And it's cliche.
But still, I managed to convince J, my partner of 22 years, to go on a romantic V-day dinner with me.
So he begrudgingly put on a decent shirt (which is his de facto office wear anyway) and went with me to Skai, a restaurant where people ate and drank 70 storeys above ground level.
For someone who has a fear of heights, J had literally gone above and beyond for me.
We were brought to our table which boasts of a floor-to-ceiling view of Singapore's skyline.
I got that view.
J wanted to sit facing the interior of the restaurant.
That evening, we were both surrounded by couples of sorts.
Encouragingly, there were at least three other same-sex couples -- a pair who look to be in their 30s, a duo of older men (I'm guessing mid-50s?) and two lesbian lovers.
As we took our seats, a waiter who wore too much perfume for his own good came to pass us our V-day menus.
J shook his head at the menu and quipped matter of factly that the prices match the sky-high altitude.
J has never been one of those who'd splurge.
I mean, he does spend money (on properties and investments) but on little things like V-day gifts or surprise presents, that's just not his love language.
Mine though, is wanting to spend time together with him whenever I could.
And right now, I'm very contented with my time with J.
It's amazing that I can love someone for more than two decades.
I'd always been rather self-centred, truth be told.
While I love J to bits, I also love my own space (which explains why I want to have my me-time all these years).
I also put work ahead of everyone -- including J.
On days when I'm overly burdened with work, I push everyone away and J puts up with me 'cos he knows what work means to me.
I'm also sometimes quite too much for J.
Skai is case in point. Left to his own devices, J would suggest having not a V-day dinner but just a normal everyday dinner. At a foodcourt or some bak chor mee stall or something.
But over the years, we've learned to accept -- and perhaps even love -- our flaws.
I used to loathe J's commitments.
Like, I would suggest a holiday and his answer would be "let's see".
Years later, I came to appreciate that his "let's see" is his way of doing his best while protecting me from disappointment. Something I wouldn't have thought of doing for him (let's not list the number of times I pushed him away for the sake of work).
I don't like (present tense) his dressing style. Wait, the word style shouldn't even be used. Let's try that again.
I don't like (still present tense) his dressing.
On many occasions, I would have to dress J (which is easy 'cos we're exactly same built) so all he needs to do is to wear my shirt or suit. J hates it, but he does it for me anyway.
Eventually though, and I can't even pinpoint when that was, I learnt to accept J's shabby ways (except on important events like V-day, our anniversary and friends' and relatives' weddings).
That evening, as we handled sets of heavy cutlery and clinked stemware, I looked at J and thought of how lucky I am. Or we are, perhaps.
In the last 20-plus years, we've been through many milestones.
To say those milestones are thick and thin would be a stretch since we are both fortunate enough to have smooth lives together (and as individuals).
Stanley my sex bunny friend's life is thick and thin but that's a story for another day.
In our early 20s, J and I focused on building our respective careers. We also talked about our future.
Back then, our key milestone was to each own a property by age 30. We did that, and J owned two by the time he turned 35.
In our 30s, we spoke very seriously about financial planning. J took the lead by introducing to me his risk manager and getting her to plan our retirement. Today, we both have a healthy investment portfolio.
Now that we're in our 40s, we're planning for old age.
Romantic to some, but depressing to me to be honest.
J, always the level-headed one, wanted the two of us to be healthy even when we're old.
Even for my upcoming flat's renovation, J had a hand in making the flat elderly friendly.
We're also each other's lasting power of attorney.
As I reflect on our relationship for the past 20 over years, I realise just how much we've both matured separately and together.
Many things have changed for us since we got together in 2002 but many things still remain the same.
One thing that's different is that J and I no longer care about being gay.
In the past, we would both be hesitant about looking like a couple in public.
Heck that.
And I don't care how others see us too.
That evening, I'm quite sure we were noticed by the other gay couples (and some straight ones).
They may not be judging us. Just acknowledging us in the midst of the V-day crowd.
To them, they would see two guys in their mid-40s celebrating love.
Both of whom with salt and pepper hair.
But that night, all I saw of J was him in his 20s.
His sexy tan, lean bod and his mop of curly hair.
And when he smiles, his thick lips reveal this crooked canine of his that drives me crazy.
Present tense.
And as I stare into J's eyes that evening, I know for sure I want to spend the next 22 years with him (and more).
Future tense.
No comments:
Post a Comment