Happy CNY!

You know you're blessed when people you love come to your place and do a big spring clean just for you.

And it's the time of the year for such lovely gatherings to be had.

"Actually," Stanley pointed out, "people you love can also go to your place and do a big spring clean for you after you die."

Ok, Gong Hei Fatt Choy to you too, bitch.

But first things first. 

Before this morning's spring cleaning exercise, the gang needs to eat.

And so, to the nearby hawker centre near my place we ventured.

We found ourselves in front of the Chap Chye Png stall out of pure efficiency -- it was the stall with the least queue. 

"There's an art to ordering economic rice dishes," Carl the dense one said to us, his mask puffing up.

"You decide on the top three dishes you want," he said. "Then you rank in your head which ones are your favourite."

Stanley looked at Carl, not sure where our usually-clueless friend was going with his lecture. 

"Always place your favourite of three choices in the middle. Because when the aunty scoops your first choice, she'd be telling herself 'not too much... there are two more choices coming'. And when she scoops the second dish -- the favourite and most important of the three -- she does so with full vigour. The last dish is usually the oh, too much the rice box is full scoop so it's not going to be a lot," Carl explains with seriousness. 

"You have given this a lot of thought, Carl," I said, impressed.

Stanley leaned in and said he wished Carl would apply the same rigour of thinking process in his everyday life. 

Armed with four packets of Chap Chye Png, we made our way back to my very beautiful but very dusty apartment where J my partner had already done the laundry while the boys and I hunted for, and brought back food.

Stanley opened his styrofoam lunch box and gave Carl dagger stares that's meant to stab and hurt. 

"What rubbish theory did you just share, Carl," Stanley barked at our dense friend, exasperated that his middle-choice of curry chicken comprised only one small drumstick and a large potato. 

His remaining choices of eggplant and long beans filled up the box generously.

Like an angry mother looking to vent equally at all her kids including those who hadn't done anything wrong, Stanley spun his head towards me and unleashed matronly fire at me.

"Adam Lee. What sort of stupid hawker centre is this. You should move out!"

As if to do damage control, Stanley began tapping at his phone with intense concentration.

"I'm taking full control of tonight's food orders," Stanley said sternly. 

The plan for today, is that we'd spring clean for first half of the day and by the time we're done, my house would be decent enough not just for human habitation but also decent enough to host our group's reunion dinner. 

When we polished off our takeaway styrofoam rice boxes, the four of us got to work.

And we all worked based on our strengths.

Carl put his python-sized biceps to good use by moving heavy pieces of furniture around to clean up.  

Stanley the sex bunny focused on enthusiastic sucking, leaving no areas unsucked as he navigated around my place with the vacuum cleaner. 

J the systematic worker looked at whatever everyone else was doing and preemptively readied himself the next tasks as if batons were handed in a race. 

That was when he placed his hands Akimbo like he were Wonder Woman and said pointedly to me "and what are you doing when everyone is hard at work cleaning your place?"

"Ya! MOVE OUT!" Stanley shouted over the roar of the vacuum cleaner, clearly still sore over his meagre second-serving of chicken curry.

Carl tip-toed out of Stanley's sight and waited till the coast was clear.

Three hours of combined effort later, the boys, J and I slumped in my living room. 

Stanley lay on his back like a starfish on top of my carpet, spent. "Sucking non stop for an hour does that to you," he said.

Carl was knocked out, dozing off with his mouth wide open, snoring away softly.

J shook his head when I said "I'm dying of exhaustion."

"You didn't do very much," J said to me as lovingly as he could. 

I looked around my house and let out a very happy sigh of relief.

Windows, grilles, dusted. Floor vacuumed, mop. Surfaces, wiped. 

My place is also aptly adorned with all things Lunar New Year.

Pussywillows, fresh flowers (a dozen red roses) strategically placed.

My Crate and Barrel bowl is filled with eight Mandarin oranges alongside a red packed filled with money to symbolise wealth.

I had brought out my super Cheena cushion covers -- bright red with gold embroidery of the words "Fortune" and "Luck" in Chinese characters. A table throw that looks like it's ripped out of the Cheongsam of a Cantonese Dim Sum restaurant waitress. 

All that's missing are couplets, or fake firecrackers, or --

I stop myself from going down the list.

Because I look around and see that there is nothing missing in my life.

My partner of 20 years J is right beside me, functioning as my human pillow at this moment. 

Carl and Stanley my two best friends of more than 20 years are lying around as if they had been attacked with sleep darts. 

My beautiful and cosy home that's filled with not just Lunar New Year decor but the invisible and collective web of their love hovering my lovely apartment.

Indeed, there's nothing missing.

"Where's the food," Stanley said in a low guttural voice.

 

 

 

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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people

 

The Heavy Topic

Today's topic is gonna be a heavy one.

Carl the gym rabbit, who is obsessed with all things heavy, flexes his biceps, holds his breath, and braces for what he hopes would be a topic about weights. His all-time favourite thing, if not, the only thing he ever cares about.

Stanley, who's busy playing host and filling our large goblets with white wine, contorts his face in what I must assume is him clenching and bracing for what's to come.

Unable to hold his breath and excitement no more, Carl says with glee. 

"Are we discussing gym outlets? Or package deals?"

"Amen, sister. Now we're talking," Stanley the sex bunny responds instinctively, triggered by package deals. 

Actually, it's about suicidal thoughts.

Stanley gave me a side eye and stopped filling my glass.

"You're not suicidal are you, Adam? If you are I won't give you that much of the wine. It has a 4.3 rating on Vivino," the ever thoughtful Stanley said. 

Carl the dense one, on realising it's a topic that involves actual thinking and not lifting, starts to space out and stares glassily into the air. 

A few weeks ago, my partner of 20 years J shared with me a conversation he had with his business associate. 

"Is he cute?" Stanley asked. 

I gave him an evil side eye that's the most evil of all side eye in the history of evil side eyes.

"What. I was trying to excite Carl and bring him into the conversation," Stanley said defensively, and hit Carl's python-sized biceps.

"Yes, yes, I agree," Carl startled and fumbled. 

So this associate, let's call him S. 

S is a highly successful man -- and might I add, very, very wealthy.

Stanley whistled. 

S has a few properties, has no qualms buying timepieces that's worth a 5-month combined salary of a construction foreman, and naturally drives a fancy car whose name doesn't roll off the tongue of a Singlish native speaker.

Amen, sister, Stanley said.

Carl, who is eager to score some participating points, makes the sign of the cross and nods.

S also has it all. A loving relationship that's as long as J and mine.

"Wait," Stanley puts his hands in the air dramatically, as if to summon Time to stop. 

"I can already guess the next part of your story -- S is suicidal despite all of that -- but I want to know. Are you actually describing J or his friend?" Stanley asks sincerely.

"Wait a minute," Carl chimes in. "What are we talking about?" he asks sincerely.  

It is indeed J's friend -- and thank you for being so sensitive as usual, I nod lovingly at Stanley but immediately regret my choice of word.

Satisfied, Stanley let the sensitive sex-joke moment slip, and allowed me to indulge in the heavy topic that afternoon.

Indeed, the summary is this: That a successful man in health, wealth and love is suicidal. 

Turns out, S had been contemplating suicide since last yer due to work stress.

Of course, being a mature and sensible man, S reasoned that he could always quit his job and lead the lifestyle of a monks with no extra needs or wants. 

But S said he still can't help but factor in suicide as a last resort.

And S did share this with his partner who was horrified but couldn't do much.

Stanley nodded sagely, processing this heavy update.

Also digesting was Carl, who took a big bite of char tow kueh from Ghim Moh Market.

J found out about S only because he realised S was a bit off of late, and upon digging further, S opened up. 

I stole a glance at Stanley to see if he'd pick that up and make a sex joke, but Stanley let it pass.

After all, I would expect Stanley to be serious when talking about mental health issues. 

A cousin who's super close to his family is diagnosed with depression and had to grapple with medication, mood swings and eventually, a lonesome life after he cut off all social ties.

"So what did J say?" Stanley asked.

J was naturally disturbed, but he also knew it wasn't in his place to say anything. 

In the end, J said he told S that he should consider seeking professional help.

J then called me to make future dinner plans with S at his place.

"We won't talk about suicide," J said. "The idea is to intentionally not visit the topic of suicide until he brings it up -- and making future plans with S gives him something to look forward to. Like a milestone of sorts."

While I am glad J is ever so loving and thoughtful of his friends, I am also troubled by the topic of suicide. 

We may never fully understand the extent of mental illness and how it forces people to kill themselves.

Often, those who do take the plunge aren't always the ones who have the least.

Take Leslie Cheung.

The Hong Kong superstar seems to have it all: Good looks, a successful showbiz career, and a longterm relationship with his partner Tong Tong.

But depression robbed him of all senses and eventually nudged him to throw himself off the top of a hotel room.

Carl, who loves Leslie Cheung and has a great voice, lights up at the mention of his idol.

"Not now," Stanley said placing a palm over Carl's face, effectively stopping Time. 

Carl slumped his shoulders in great disappointment and grudgingly hummed his favourite Leslie Cheung tune instead. 

"My dad once shared in a conversation with his siblings about my cousin," Stanley said. "That when someone mentions he has suicidal thoughts, we shouldn't brush it aside. Instead, we should confront it. Ask that person to elaborate. Talk to him and yes, this may sound alarming, but we should ask him to describe to us how he plans to kill himself."

Carl stopped humming and frowned, unable to tell if Stanley were joking or not.

"But at the end of the day, we're not doctors, counsellors, or psychiatrists, so there's only that much we can do."

Stanley concludes that J is doing the right thing.

That he's doing what he knows best. And that's him being a friend to a friend in need.

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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people 

Marry Go Round

"How exactly does one do that," asks Stanley in utter amazement. 

"Does one play gay porn in his mind then bite the bullet and shoot, or would one use his hands and then gently introduce the tadpoles into the narrow crevices, hoping they'd swim their way to survival in those filthy tunnels?" the sex bunny wanted to know all the details -- the finer the better.

Carl the dense one, as usual, was late to the game.

"What are we talking about? Squid Game?"

"No. More like squirt game," Stanley says without missing a beat, waving one hand to dismiss Carl to stay on track.

We were meeting for the first time this year at Stanley's home for dinner, and the topic of married gay men with children came up.

Not too long ago, I was J's plus-one to his friend's regular dinner party.

J's main group stems from his secondary school, a close-knit community where everyone knows everyone and hangs out in the same circles.

Among J's boys are two of his schoolmates Boon Keong and Lionel, both of whom went on to become J's JC and then Uni mates.

Boon Keong and Lionel are both high flying elites and sane and sorted.

But where romance is concerned, Boon Keong is insane and distorted.

While digging in to our starters of avocado, capers, salmon and herbed tomatoes at Boon Keong's home, we were given a rather detailed introduction of his partner Alfred. 

Alfred Koh, 45, is a well-groomed man who looks no older than 35. Well built, flawless skin, large, expressive eyes and has a gentle smile.

Alfred Koh, 45, is also a recent divorcee with a grand total of four children.

"Exactly my point. How does he do it?" Stanley the sex bunny interrupted fiercely, extremely bothered but also equally keen and determined to get to the bottom of Alfred's matter. 

"Wait, wait, wait," Carl said. "There're too many names. I'm lost."

Boon Keong had met his partner last August.

"That's August 2021, Carl," Stanley said helpfully.

"And that's Lionel?" Carl asked.

"No, that's Boon Keong," I said.

"Yes, his partner is Lionel?" Carl asked.

"No, that's Alfred," I said.

"And Alfred is?" Carl asked.

"Alfred, 45, is a well-groomed man. He has four children. FOUR, Carl. FOUR! How does he do it?!" Stanley cut in, his eyes swelling into the size of swollen testicles.

"Oh... but isn't Alfred gay?" Carl asked, confused. 

Stanley looked like he was about to crumble with stress with the lack of information to my story.

Carl looked like he was about to crumble with stress with too much information to my story.

But back to Alfred Koh, 45, well-groomed divorcee with four children. 

"How does he do it..." Stanley said in whispered gasps, as if his last breath would soon come upon him before the mystery would solve itself.

"I still keep in touch with my kids," Alfred said mater of factly. 

"The oldest is 17, then 14, and then there're my 12 year old twins," the well-groomed father of four said.

Carl stole a glance at me, saying with his eyes please don't list more names... I can't take it anymore.

Stanley shot me an urgent look, saying with his eyes please tell me how he does it... I can't take it anymore.

"Does your children and wife know about all this?" Lionel asked.

"Carl, Lionel is J's other schoolmate who went on to become his JC mate and Uni mate," Stanley added, hoping Carl wouldn't slow us down in my storytelling, which had actually started when we all sat down at Stanley's table for dinner, and at this point of my storytelling, the three of us were already starting to open our container of Power Chendol dessert.

Alfred's wife apparently knows the reason for their eventual divorce. 

In fact, years ago, Alfred had once confessed to his wife -- who was then his Best Friend from his primary school -- that he was gay.

And because the wife -- who was then still Alfred's Best Friend from primary school -- loved him so much and wanted to be with him, she didn't mind that at all.

And because Alfred had wanted to lead a "normal" life, he suppressed his inner desires and went on with this marriage.

"I totally understand this," said Lionel, sane and sorted lawyer. "And nobody should judge this."

J and his boys would know this.

Having come from an all-boys school where femininity would lead to a path of teasing and taunting, it's not easy for them to put on a brave front.

For Alfred, it would be worse.

He comes from a elite school which not only celebrates masculinity but also embraces Chinese culture and values.

It doesn't help too, that Alfred's parents are both Chinese Language teachers whose family values are rooted in the ancient acts of filial piety and producing offspring. 

But there comes a point where enough is enough. 

Alfred had a health scare a few years ago.

And that was when he realised his remaining life is too short.

He struggled and struggled, and eventually, made the brave decision to discuss this with the wife.

"It was an amicable divorce," Alfred said. "We decided to keep it as civil and cordial as possible -- so I can see the kids anytime I want, but the only condition is that I can't tell the kids and our family I'm gay."

That night, as J and I left Boon Keong's home, we reflected on how being gay in our time was not easy.

Being born in the late-70s meant growing up in the 90s, which was a time when technology was just emerging.

Technology such as ICQ and IRC which would eventually pave the way for closeted gay boys to hide behind those platforms and bravely come online to meet fellow gay boys. 

But not all would have caught on that trend.

People like Alfred, who have struggled with their identities and family or religious values, would surely have had to make a choice: Should they follow their hearts and explore the gay world, or should they continue to live like straight men?

There is no one straight answer.

Gay men who choose to have straight lifestyles shouldn't be judged, just like how we gay men don't want to be judged by our "lifestyle choices". 

But in J's words, at least Alfred has come to terms with his life.

"It gets better, I guess," J says to me at the close of that night. "I think the next generations of gay boys would have it better."

By the time I concluded my story, Stanley realises that I have no answer to how Alfred procreated and produced four children, and decides to move on,

"So, Alfred's health scare. You think it's STD?"

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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people 

Happy New Year!!!

3... 2... 1... 

Happy New Year!

Depending on how old you are, this means different things to different people.

In our 20s, ushering in the new year often involved loud, thumping music and sweaty, gyrating bodies. 

And depending on which friend of mine you are, this can also mean different things.

To Stanley my sex bunny friend, the music and sweaty gyrating bodies more often than not take place in crowded, sleazy dark rooms where he does a lot of ushering in.

To Carl the gym rabbit, that combination is applied to crowded but less sleazy rooms where a lot of forceful grunting, pumping and thrusting take place. 

Regardless, New Year Eves to the boys and me back then were all about raving parties, shouting over one another just to be heard and waking up to start the first day of the new year with a hangover. 

In our 30s, when we had more spending power but less energy, we transited to having classy gatherings either in fully-packed restaurants, or in large hotel rooms where champagne bottles -- and on two occasions according to Stanley, cherries -- are popped. 

Now that we're in our 40s, God forbid, we are welcoming the new year in our own respective ways.

Stanley continues to plan NYE parties, desperate to relive our younger days. 

Carl just wants to tone it down -- tone being the operative word that motivates him to sculpt his python-size biceps. Muscle-building knows no holidays.

For me, it's all about quiet reflection -- and spending New Year's Eve alone.

It's a habit I developed as I grew older. 

Nearing the end of each year, I'd pick up pen, paper and a glass of wine and jot down some of the things I'd been most grateful for in the past year -- and extend that thought of gratitude all the way to as far back as I can remember. 

That activity would take me around two hours because there are many things I'm thankful for, and I allow myself to linger and reminisce the past chapters of my life. 

Among the things on my list this year: 

• Keeping my job despite such trying times
• Safely returning to Singapore from my overseas posting
• Moving back to my own place
• Being healthy and fit at 42 (going on 43 based on the calendar year)
• Having my family around

The list really does go on, and I'm thankful for that too. 

I'd also jot down a list of things I want to achieve in the coming year. 

But gone are the wishful thinking days of making resolutions because I've come to terms with such lofty ideas that never come to fruition.

Resolutions never come true. Not for me at least. 

So no such things as wanting to learn Muay Thai by April, or getting in shape in 6 months. 

Instead, I make a list of achievable tasks, no matter how mundane they sound like.

• Drink enough water 
• Eat my vitamins 
• Be sure to do my three-step skincare routine
• Don't overeat
• Sleep enough

Again, the easy-to-achieve list goes on.

Stanley, who earlier learned of my list, yawned over a three-way WhatsApp call with me and Carl.

I later learn that his yawning had nothing to do with my list. It was more to do with Stanley's version of a three-way, but let's not start the new year on such a sordid note.

Have a meaningful 2022, dear readers.

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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people