The time of the year again when some of us reflect on what it's like to be Singaporean -- and hopefully, count our blessings to be born in this country.
Of course, Singapore is far from perfect.
And there are people who genuinely dislike being Singaporean (I know a handful who have nothing good ever, to say about our country, our culture, our food, our transport system, our blablabla, and, oh, of course, our government).
But today, I'm not talking about those negative, toxic people who have so many opinions, so many views, so many complaints, yet take no action to leave the country and take up citizenship in Guatemala.
I love my country.
I love that I'm born here.
I have even begun to love the flaws that the Western World had pointed out about us: We can't put chewing gum into our mouth, we can't urinate in lifts even if our bladders are bursting, we can't spit in public though the Merlion can, we can't have consensual gay sex legally, we don't have press freedom nor the freedom to burn our bras anywhere outside of Hong Lim Park.
While there are things we can definitely work on, I would do anything for my country.
If Singapore needed a kidney, I'd donate one to her.
If Singapore were bullied in a girl gang fight, I'd back her up with a rolled up newspaper in my left hand and a sharpened pencil in my right.
If Singapore were dumped by a bastard and got drunk and wasted, I'd gently hold up her hair while she puked outside Butter Factory, beside the Merlion.
"Why can't Singapore be a guy," Stanley my sex bunny friend wanted to know.
"I mean, why must countries all be referred to as women?"
"If we can think of Singapore as a cute, hunky guy, do you know how many gay men would willingly lay their lives down for him?" asked Stanley, who won't think twice about willingly laying himself down for any cute, hunky guy.
But the point is, we all love Singapore -- in our own unique way.
Some of us love like we're Romeos: Loud, proud and outrightly romantic.
The kind who would not only display flags outside their condo balcony and decorate their car with mini flags, but would also go the distance to wear red and white clothes for the entire month of August.
Then there are those who love Singapore like a traditional Chinese father.
The type who don't hug you and say I love you when you come home, or shout well done when you get 10 upon 10 for your Chinese ting xie spelling test.
But who would quietly put his palm on your shoulder when you break your arm in a motorbike accident. Or quietly slip $50 in between your textbook after your mum violently objects to giving you extra money for a class birthday chalet outing.
And then there's Carl.
Carl our dense friend, who up till this day cannot recite the pledge in full nor sing the national anthem without massacring at least 6 Malay words, is at a loss for all types of words right this moment.
Carl is struggling to list one reason why he's thankful to be Singaporean and how much he loves his country, so he chose instead, to post in the group chat the gif of Merlion spouting water.
Stanley immediately responded with the gif of a Tang Dynasty princess vomiting blood.
But even though Carl is dense, Stanley is slutty and I, hmmm, let's see, am intelligent, the point I'm trying to make is that regardless of personality types, we are all capable of loving our country.
I know that if there were a war, Stanley and I would gladly take up arms and fight for Singapore.
Years ago, when Stanley and I were in National Service, we talked about how we felt moved to tears when we took our oath to defend our country.
Stanley later clarified that it was because he thought he was too young to die, and we both had a very good laugh in camp.
But don't get us wrong.
The Red Berets -- trained to attack and defend, and also protect and care with those same pair of hands -- are the cream of the corps, and we will fight for honour and glory.
"Honestly if I have a choice, my pair of hands will be doing other fun things, but yeah, I'll fight and claw and pull hair for my country," said Stanley, ever the team player, player being the operative word that describes his sexual life.
Later that night, Carl replied the group after giving it a great deal of thought over Stanley's question.
"I love Singapore because..."
Stanley and I waited.
Then Carl continued typing:
"This is home, truly. Where I know I must be. Where my dreams wait for me. Where the river always flows."
Stanley later messaged me privately that if we ever go to war, Carl the dense one can be sent as an advance party to spy on our enemies.
"Because if he ever were caught, he would never divulge any of our operations secrets because he is truly clueless."
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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