"And I, Stanley Ong, do not live under a rock," he said, further adjusting his buttocks on the stool to get just the perfect fit.
"I have done many, many things under a rock -- and if you so insist, I'll tell you about the sexcapade during an outdoor adventure camp," Stanley carried on without being prompted.
"And trust me -- it involved a lot stabbing rocks and very, very little apparel," our sex bunny friend said, dribbling one eyebrow.
"Hi, please be reminded to keep your masks on until your food arrives," says a cheery voice who had no idea just how timely her presence there and then had saved the day.
Carl the dense one had by then looked nauseated, likely because he was trying very hard to un-picture the mental image of "stabbing rocks".
"Where was I?" asked Stanley, who has a tendency to get lost.
"Stabbing rocks," I supplied.
Carl coughed.
"Ah, yes. I was talking about this sensational fella and his sex drama," Stanley said.
Carl, who also has a tendency to get lost, was rightfully confused.
While our gym rabbit friend sits quietly facing Sentosa to ponder on life, Stanley is keen to discuss this topic as if it were an A Level literature paper that we are all sitting for the next day.
The drama involves a local celebrity who had recently apologised over a conversation he had with a 15-year-old boy, describing his exchange with the words "inappropriate, questionable and problematic".
"Let me tell you the long and short of it," Stanley said, picking his words carefully to suit the ocassion.
"I'll give you a blow by blow account in chronological order, from top to bottom," he continued on a roll.
Stanley spent the next few minutes giving us a summary of the allegations: Of how the celeb could have made use of his influence to entice boys for sex, to paid sex, to accusations of grooming boys for underage sex.
"So, got sex or no sex in the end?" Carl asked, tilting his head to the side looking like he got lost in the plot somewhere.
"That's not the point! The point is... this is serious sexual grooming!" Stanley shrieked.
Carl had by then looked like a lost cause, his eyebrows so buried he looked like he was deciphering the Da Vinci Code.
"But I take sexual grooming seriously," he said finally. "It's basic etiquette... trimming hair down there and make sure my boy parts are clean."
We gave up engaging Carl who was too off tangent for us to rescue.
"There's so much to talk about, so much to comment on," Stanley says, rubbing his hands in glee as he sits on his high stool.
Carl looked bored by then and began memorising the digital menu.
After our bottle of The Very Sexy Shiraz arrived, Stanley went forth to take the discussion further.
While it's definitely wrong to engage in underage sex -- groomed or paid or even consensual -- it's also none of our business.
Except in this case, the story unfolds on the backdrop of show business, so it sort of becomes everyone's business.
Everyone who considers himself or herself a local celeb or, what's the term -- Influencer -- has something to say about this incident.
And they have said it.
For the next few days since the local celeb's saga broke out, there were so many comments by them -- some were fair. Some were dark. Some were catty. Some were bitchy.
"And some quite touching and moving," Stanley added aptly.
But after a while, the conversation goes all over the place because everyone and their grandmother had something to say and a place where they could freely say it.
And it becomes a bit toxic to follow the comments because it's tiresome.
"It's also quite scary how things can really go downhill for some people. The last I read, the fella is sort of already a lost cause -- his work is put on hold and his reputation gone."
"But guys," Carl said after a while. "Really. In the end, got sex or no sex?"
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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