Three months ago, my sex bunny friend Stanley Ong made a few decisions.
They're rather adult decisions.
I know, I know.
I need to be very specific here because given Stanley's track record, adult decisions can offer a whole spectrum of scenarios that can play out from the bedroom and lead to consequences in the courtroom.
"Oh, this is nice, long and hard," Stanley said, running his hands through the object. "I love the grainy details of this."
Stanley was referring to a dining table -- just being specific here.
The two of us had taken an unofficial day off from work to shop at Tan Boon Liat.
Unofficial meaning, we're on leave but only we know it. Our bosses and HR don't know.
Back to Stanley's decisions.
He had finally decided to do something to manage his mid-life crisis and decided to put his extra bedroom on the rental market.
"There goes my free bedroom whenever I stay over," was my first response.
"Be happy I'm not charging you rent whenever you stay over," came the retort.
Stanley had been toying with the idea of slowing down at work for the longest time.
Money is important to him, which is why he can't bear to take a huge pay cut and do something more relaxing.
So, being the strategic overthinker and planner he is, Stanley decided to increase sideline money first so that he can kickstart his safety net funds.
The easiest way is to forgo privacy and allow a man into his life for the long term. And getting paid for it.
"Think about this as a reverse money-boy situation where my hot, hunky tenant is paying me to live in my home," Stanley said.
"And if we have sex, it's a bonus," he added.
I shook my head vigorously.
"Don't shit where you eat," I said.
Stanley considered this piece of advice carefully.
Stanley had literally shat where he ate -- or nearish. He once went for a toilet break during dinner only to successfully cruise someone there -- story for another time.
"But you're right. It would complicate matters," Stanley said. "I wouldn't know how much to charge him for, on top of the rent, if that hunk tenant sleeps with me."
Firstly, I like that Stanley has already built his perfect tenant profile right from the start.
According to my sex bunny friend, his tenant will be a hot hunk who finds all sorts of excuses to get naked, blaming Singapore's weather, and would walk around trying to seduce Stanley.
"Are you listing that as a criterion on Property Guru?"
"Who said anything about property guru?" Stanley said. "I'm listing my room on Grindr."
This is Stanley hitting two birds with one stone though if you force me to be specific, the bird won't be a bird per se, and the stone that hits the bird won't be a stone per se either.
"It's called widening your net," Stanley said. If you force Stanley to be specific, it's not just the net he wants to widen.
As we strolled into a Bohemian furniture shop selling all things rattan, Stanley thought out loud.
"I like the idea that I'll have rental income. But I am not so sure I'm ready to have a stranger in my home."
Agreed. It's not easy.
I would know 'cos even though I had been a landlord once and am currently a tenant, neither of those situations were live-in.
I've heard of horrible rental stories involving crazy landlords or crazy tenants living under one roof.
"I've heard of rental stories involving crazy landlords and crazy tenants but darling, they weren't horrible. Saucy, yes," Stanley had to be specific.
So here's the thing. Stanley needs to know whether he's desperate enough to commit to a year's rent.
Surely, he'll have to get used to a stranger in his home. The types that don't go back to their own homes the morning after.
But, Stanley reasoned, that this isn't a marriage. It's at most a one-year contract. And I can back out after that.
"That's the worst that can happen -- that things don't work out, but I'll still have a year's worth of rental income and peace of mind thereafter," he said.
"The best case scenario is, we all get along, I get used to having a tenant and, you know, there are bonuses along the way," he added without needing to be specific.
And so, there and then at the Bohemian store, Stanley decided he'd do it.
"I'll put up a listing on Grindr and screen people from there and we'll see if they are worth staying in my place for one year, or one night," he said with a very specific action plan in mind.
Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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