Our wholesome dim sum brunch last Sunday was dominated by a hot topic.
"The food here had better be good," Stanley said, his eyes doing rapid surveillance around Yan Palace, Chinatown. "Since there are no hot waiters around."
Carl the dense one, his partner Adrian, my partner J and I took our seats.
Stanley the sex bunny continued standing and scanning the restaurant and then he looked at me and smiled.
"At least there's one eye candy at the next table," he said, signalling at a fair, bespectacled boy who looked no older than 20, who was serving tea to his grandma.
"I hope that's not his grandma," Stanley said. "If she isn't, it means he's a sugar boy. And sugar boys can be bought with money, and I can buy him to my side," Stanley reasoned.
If we cracked open Stanley's skull, we might see a network of complicated threads in his head space that links all nodes of various locations to one central spot that spells Sex.
"What's going on there?" Carl the dense one asked, looking up from his menu.
If we cracked open Carl's skull, we might not find anything there. Crystallised protein powder, perhaps. But nothing else.
The important task of ordering was soon under way.
I made sure I had my pan fried carrot cake (my dim sum staple) and char siew pao requests secured, before agreeing to all other proposals.
When finally the order chit was submitted to an elderly waitress who looked like a grumpy grandma, Carl kicked started that morning's discussion.
"My credit card is blocked because there are suspicious activities," he said.
"Oh, that's bad. Suspicious activities with a banker is good. With banking, that's bad," Stanley said, his eyes still studying the grandson-who-could-be-a-sugar-boy a few tables away.
"There were three transactions made in the UK. Some Uber trip," Carl said in horror.
Long story short, Carl called up the bank to resolve it.
Credit has to be given to Carl who is generally useless and clueless in life but I also suspect his intellectual partner Adrian had a part to play in helping him settle the issue.
"This is so frustrating," Stanley said. "Scammers are thriving -- good thing they're all being shipped out of their crime hubs in Myanmar," he said.
"Oh? What's happening there?" asked Carl who has no idea what's happening around the world since he's always in his own world.
"You know, I used to be very bitchy to these scam callers," Stanley said.
"Used to be?" I asked.
Stanley rolled his eyes, ignored my backhanded comment, and continued.
"In the past, I would spend time either scolding them, gaslighting them, or simply waste their time by being annoying. Then I realise some of them may be victims too."
Carl looked very confused. "So are they scammers or victims?"
News of the authorities in the region getting rid of scam centres had made headlines of late, and this topic found its way to our table which is by now, laid with stacks of bamboo containers of steaming dim sum snacks.
"These days, when I get scam calls, I simply hang up," Stanley said.
My partner J added that in recent months, he's been getting less of such calls.
Everyone -- except Carl -- agreed.
From the corner of my eye, I saw -- and heard -- Carl whisper to Adrian "what's going on?"
While Carl is ignorant about worldly affairs, Stanley is very plugged in -- especially where affairs are concerned.
"You know, if I were scammed to work in Myanmar, I will thrive.
"I'll be one of their top performers," he paused and looked at us to see if we responded to his sexual connotation and when all of us continued chewing our food, Stanley continued.
"I'll be the one who would march up to the boss to demand to set up a new scam branch and I'll head the unit personally. It'll be a sexual branch where I focus on scamming people by making random calls and indulging in phone sex straight away."
Carl, who loves stories, put his chopsticks down and listened intently.
"I think I'll thrive there also because I'm living with so many other cute China men.
"Think about it -- we are all herded in communities, we live together, work together, eat together, shower together and sleep together. There's so much bonding that can happen," Stanley said.
Again, all of us continued chewing except Carl.
"I'm pretty sure I can be top scammer by day and top scammer by night too."
Carl, who realised the direction of the story, joined us in partaking food and stopped paying attention to Stanley.
"All I'm saying is, I'm someone who takes crises and turns them into opportunities," Stanley said.
“The way I see it, scam centres need to evolve. Think out of the box, come out of their crime rings,” said Stanley, assuming the role of chief consultant, head of organised crime
“At a time when brick and mortar shops are no longer the norm and that everything has gone online, it’s time to buck the trend. Be the first to venture back into the offline. Focus on the physical touch,” said Stanley, giving the phrase physical touch unnecessary emphasis.
“Like him,” Stanley said, pointing to sugar baby as if everyone else in the restaurant were blind and deaf. “Recruit such types and make them do the old fashioned door to door sale instead of online marketing. There’s a growing market for it,” he said, this time giving the word growing unnecessary emphasis.
Stanley, pleased with his pitch of a lifetime, picked up his tea cup, sipped, and sighed blissfully at his future door-to-door scam salesman.
Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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