"I knew this day would come but I never expected it to come this soon," I said.
"Hunny, all I heard was 'come' and 'soon'," Stanley my sex bunny friend replied, "and I thought I'd be excited by any sentence that contains these two words."
"What are we talking about," Carl the dense one said as he set the tray of drinks on the table.
"Hot chocolate for you, Stan. Hot coffee brew for you, Adam, and I'm having my all-time favourite of Sunrise," Carl said happily.
I looked at the drinks and it hit me that this day had indeed come sooner than later.
"First, gone are the days when we would order cold drinks by default. Look at us now. Old uncles like us lean towards hot drinks," I said.
Carl slurped noisily to stress that he's still ordering cold drinks like all young people.
"And then, at this age, we're meeting at hospitals."
Stanley pouted.
That morning, we accompanied Stanley to the Singapore General Hospital.
"I am about to to strip naked and wear a loose gown which will give hot nurses -- hot male nurses -- easy access to my regions," Stanley said, "and I thought I'd be excited by any prospects that contain these two scenarios."
Stanley the sex bunny was seeking treatment for an ailment he can no longer ignore: His hip.
For the last eight months, Stanley's been hurting. He tried ignoring it, living with it but could be in denial no more.
It hurts even when I'm not moving, Stanley said.
"What." Stanley barked at me when he saw my pursed lips which was a deliberate, physical effort to stop myself from saying things.
I shook my head rapidly, lips tightly pursed. Now's not the time to link Stanley's activities to his current plight.
"Did you hurt yourself during sex?" Carl the dense one, who can never read a room, asked with childlike innocence.
Stanley diverted his murderous vibes at him.
Just then, a very chubby boy lumbered towards the Coffee Bean counter asking for a cup of whipped cream.
Said chubby boy -- who looked no older than seven -- lumbered back to his seat, spooning the whipped cream like it was ice cream.
"At least somebody is happy," I pointed out at the happy, lumbering child whose future may include hospital visits earlier than expected if he continued his current lifestyle.
The grand plan was simple that morning. Accompany Stanley for his doctor's appointment. Get scans done to get to the bottom of what's causing Stanley this much pain that he can't squat or walk without sashaying.
And Stanley can't wait to get back to normal.
"I can't run, I can't walk, I can't do everyday things that are normal to me," Stanley said in frustration.
My lips were so pursed I'm sure they looked white.
Stanley glared at me and said "yes, Adam. That includes sex."
I shrugged in innocent definace, refusing to be called out. I'm determined to be that supportive best friend.
And supportive we were. Later on, Carl and I stood side by side Stanley so that he could lean on us on the way up to see a Dr Chia.
Stanley looked around the waiting area and pouted for the second time of the day.
"I'm old now," he whispered.
"Think of it as you're the youngest here," I said, playing the role of the ever supportive friend.
"We've pulled down the average age of this clinic," I said, patting Stanley on his lap.
"Looking at the quality of patients here, there's nothing I want to pull down," Stanley the sex bunny said without any expression.
Twenty minutes later, Stanley limped his way out and flashed us a smile.
"Dr Chia is cute," he reported. "He's like slightly younger than I am, and he's got that cute geek look which you like, Adam."
"I already have a cute geek partner," I said, thanking Stanley for trying to be inclusive.
"This gives me incentive to get well," Stanley said with a scheming smile.
Now's not the time to purse my lips especially when I needed clarity.
"Seeing Dr Chia gave me hope," said Stanley whose first part of his sentence is something SGH might consider quoting him on and printing his words in large bold fonts plastered just below Dr Chia's photo on a photo wall.
"He is so cute he makes me want to be strong for him. I want my hip to be so strong, it can go from doing hip thrusts to hip trysts."
Try printing out those words in full, in large bold fonts and plastering them just below Dr Chia's photo, SGH.
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