Stanley my sex bunny friend asked in our "Just the Boys" WhatsApp group the other night for our thoughts on relationships.
More particularly, he wanted to know how Carl and I felt about people who're husband snatchers.
"I mean, I guess I'm okay with them," Stanley wrote, answering his own question immediately before I had any chance to form thoughts.
Carl the dense one didn't reply because he simply couldn't form thoughts, full stop.
"Cos, you guys know, I'm all loving, all encompassing and I don't judge," Stanley continued.
"So, husband snatchers, I'm ok with. Cradle snatchers, I'm okay with too," he wrote, tagging Carl to that statement.
Carl, who once dated a boy nearly a decade his junior (Carl was then 26 and his then-boyfriend was only in JC 2), didn't take the bait.
I guess, understandably, sleep was more crucial to Carl.
The reason Stanley stirred the group chat to life at 3am Singapore time on a Thursday night was that he needed us to know he was kinda seeing a man who's attached.
So basically, Stanley has broken yet another rule of his - the first being to never date his One Night Stand (which he briefly did but failed).
This time, he's flirting with fire.
And the temptation of tasting the forbidden fruit was too much for Stanley to bear.
Stanley got to know B at a party - one of Stanley's badminton sister gang's birthday parties which was held at someone's place.
Long story short, B was introduced to Stanley. They got along. They drank. They giggled. They left the party early. They made out.
"And may I just add that the fruit basket was very abundant," Stanley wrote, telling us his interpretation of a long story.
"Did you make out with him before or after you knew he was attached?" I typed, still feeling reasonably awake given that it was 1.30am my time.
"That's not the point," Stanley replied coldly.
Okay, so we know Stanley made out with B despite knowing B was attached.
But hey, no judgement from me.
I mean, in my thirties, I would have flared up and possibly held Stanley by his shoulders and shaken him awake like he's a human bottle of protein shake.
Stanley my sexually active friend said later he wouldn't disagree that he's a human bottle of protein shake, given that he has personally served it to happy customers before.
While I see myself as someone with a strong sense of righteousness, it's sorta changed now.
Like how age adds on optical degrees to our eyesight, it's also added extra lenses to the way I view things.
And when I see Stanley's situation, I still view it with a sense of righteousness but with extra wisdom that can only be cultivated over time.
So, I decided to be less impulsive and more patient.
Turns out, Stanley's encounter with B was anything but brief.
In fact, all their encounters didn't involve briefs or undergarments of any kind.
And Stanley, well, was sliding further into the dark hole.
The next day, at exactly 7.24am Singapore time, Carl replied us with a series of icons that needed to be sent to forensics to have them deciphered - a face icon with a lone sweat drop, a series of middle fingers, followed by a series of thumbs-up, a party icon with confetti and two applauding hands. Oh, and a "good morning boys".
"I'm so listless," Stanley wrote back.
"I feel fresh," Carl replied proudly.
"I just want to stay in a horizontal position and not do anything for a long, long time," Stanley wrote.
"Oh, I'm also doing planks!" Carl replied happily, no doubt starting his day at Fitness First in Bugis.
Later in the day, Stanley supplied us with more context.
He knows it's wrong to be a third party.
"But you know, I love parties," he said, still having the cheek to joke around.
"And you know, B is HUGE," he continued, still having the cheek to sleep around.
But it's more than that, for Stanley.
I've known him for two decades and he's the classic wham bam thank you man who won't hesitate to block his flings.
For Stanley to be emotionally involved with not just a fling but an attached fling, he must really feel something for B.
I shared this with J my partner (who's not allowed in Just the Boys group chat).
I had expected J - my wise and practical boyfriend - to cluck his tongue rapidly and shake his head at Stanley.
I later copied and pasted J's response to Just the Boys.
"So?"
"You know Stan. He's not going to intentionally hurt himself - or others."
"So for him to get himself in this situation, it must be because he really cannot help himself"
"And you of all people should know this. There's no permanence in life."
"So when you're suffering, know that there's an end to the pain. And when you're having a good time, know that it wouldn't be forever too - so treasure those moments while you can."
"Stan knows this love-triangle is not going to last. He's not stupid."
"So my take is, love that guy briefly but passionately while Stan still wants to. Because eventually that too, will die off. So why waste time worrying about right and wrong when you can spend time loving that guy for that brief moment"?
Stanley later told me privately that he teared over J's wise words.
In the group chat though, Stanley wrote this: "omg, J has an answer to every question!!!"
To which, Carl, who has a question for every answer, replied: "actually, what's going ah?"
The next few days, we didn't hear from Stanley.
Until Tuesday afternoon.
"So I thought long and hard about us," he began.
"Cos anything involving me and B are long and hard," Stanley wrote, injecting his trademark sense of humour.
"And I've decided to take J's advice."
Apparently, over the weekend, Stanley had asked B out.
On a date.
The type where no body fluids are exchanged.
A date which is decent, and which would allow both B and Stanley to focus on each other's company and personality.
And it turns out that Stanley really, really likes B, who he says has a very good sense of humour.
"Your type of humour, or a normal person's type of humour?" I had to clarify.
Stanley later said in the group chat that they both didn't avoid the elephant in the room.
"?" Carl typed, asking if they had gone on a romantic date at the Night Safari.
"We talked about us. As in, us. Me and B," Stanley said.
"We didn't talk about labels. So it's not Stanley the third party versus B's rightful partner. It was plain - Stanley and B both like each other," he typed.
Carl - who once had a mental block and panic attack at a crowded and fast-moving KFC counter while deciding what chicken combo to choose from - remained silent, no doubt overwhelmed with, a) the quantity of the plain facts, b) the complexity of those facts, and c) the need to further apply critical thinking before being able to comment.
But Stanley is on the other end of the spectrum - always filled with analogies and always able to articulate.
Stanley says he told B that men are not meant to be monogamous.
"This is why our sexual organs are hanging out. They're designed for frequent use," Stanley wrote.
"Plus, people should really stop being so hypocritical," Stanley said, without specifying who those people are.
"If gays want other people to be open minded and accept that homosexuality is not unnatural," he explained, "then we have to go one step further."
"People also need to start being open minded about gays naturally being promiscuous."
"It's simple - if you want to be open minded, you have to be open all the way. Open very wide," Stanley said, speaking from past experience.
"And what did B say," I ask.
"B says he loves that I'm so open," Stanley wrote, attaching a gif of a guy raising an eyebrow suggestively.
"And I guess open is the theme now," Stanley wrote ruefully, referring to B's relationship.
"B also says he likes that I'm not one to hide my feelings. He says I'm like an open book."
"So I told B... don't judge me by my cover."
"And I added that if I really were a book, I'd be the type of book popular among boys, and I'll have very, very sticky pages."
Stanley said B and him ended that date on a sticky note.
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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