He'd been visiting random strangers' homes nearly every weekend, seeking that one mystical sensation before satisfyingly releasing his deposits.
"I thought it'd be a breeze with all the practice I've had in all my adult life, but girls, house hunting is a whirlwind," he typed in our group chat titled Just the Boys which we also share with Carl our dense friend.
"What is that feeling you all keeping speaking of?" Stanley demanded to know, referring to what every house hunter has cryptically mentioned during the course of his search: "You'll know it when you find the right place".
"I am 40, and have stepped into enough random strangers' bedrooms and I have felt many sensations that would put the human spirit to the test - trust me, I've done the legwork - but I'm just not getting it when I'm house hunting," Stanley wrote, his text reflecting more desperation than frustration.
Carl replied with a gif of a nuclear explosion.
"Morning activity," he typed.
"Time to catch up on all your messages," Carl wrote.
"Then you'll have a lot to catch up on, darling," Stanley replied without missing a beat.
Carl, who has trouble naming at least three other planets in the solar system, lives in a world of his own, often unaware of what's going on in the world.
His world revolves around work, gym, and us.
But at this moment, Carl's world revolves around just his bedroom.
"I'm ill," he wrote, changing the topic of the morning.
"And I don't think I'm going anywhere today," he typed, adding a few sad faces for effect.
"In my world, Carl, living life in bed isn't something to be sad about," Stanley replied, before expertly diverting our attention back to his situation, "now back to me."
Stanley had been visiting various flats and there are some which he really liked.
One of them is a flat in central Singapore that made the news for the wrong reasons.
An elderly woman had died in the flat which caught fire some four years ago, which led to the government adjusting fire-hazard policies along cluttered corridors.
The unit had since been left unsold.
"And you want to buy that flat why?" I ask with genuine concern.
"I do like it... it's very breezy and airy," Stanley said.
"Plus, it's going for a good price..."
Carl replied with a gif of Casper the friendly Ghost.
And then, there's another flat in the west that Stanley also likes but suspects was the site of a murder-suicide case some years ago.
Carl replied with a gif of a petrified Snow White retreating into the woods.
To his credit, Carl typed: "Are you house hunting or ghost hunting, Stan?"
Having been a dog owner for a large part of his life, Stanley immediately rewarded Carl with a series of applauding hands to encourage him to keep himself relevant, engaging and witty.
Carl responded with a smiley face.
Hours later, Stanley stirred the group chat to life again.
Turns out, Stanley has almost made up his mind.
He is leaning towards the unit in the west.
After pressing his agent for information, Stanley proudly announces that the unit has no ghosts.
"No murder, no suicide took place at Queens Close, so there are no ghosts there," Stanley reported.
"If there were, the agent is bound by law to tell me," he said.
I wanted to ask if the agent is bound by law to tell him about ghosts or suicide cases but decided not to take on Carl's role.
Stanley then proceeds to post various photos of the four-room flat in the group chat.
"You know I'm serious when I produce photos," said Stanley, who often shows us photos of men he's flirting with.
"Whaddya think?"
Truth be told, the unit Stanley's looking at is indeed lovely.
Although Stanley's family home is a three-storey house, the flat is big enough for one person.
Big enough to host parties (the sort that involve wines that make you high) and big enough to host parties (that sort that involve whines that make you high).
Big enough to host parties (the sort that involve wines that make you high) and big enough to host parties (that sort that involve whines that make you high).
In a bid to strengthen his case, Stanley argues that although Queens Close is in the west, it's arguably a stone's throw to Orchard Road.
"It has to be Hercules throwing that stone then," Carl pointed out, outdoing himself for the second time of the day.
Maybe being ill is a good thing for Carl after all.
The body is in repair mode and his cells are rewiring his clueless brain at the same time.
Stanley replied with a gif of a dog gobbling up dog biscuits.
"And girls," Stanley typed and paused dramatically for two minutes for effect.
"I have placed a deposit with the owner.... I'm now waiting for the valuation report!"
Carl replied with actual words: "Wow, Stan!!!!! Congrats!!!"
"I'm filled with excitement and joy," Stanley replied, adding "and I'm not even referring to two nights ago, which is another story for another day."
"Right now, I want all of you to be happy for my would-be flat."
"And what better place for me to live in, than Queens Close," Stanley said, wrapping up his case with aplomb.
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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