Stanley our sex bunny friend has news.
Two weeks ago, Stanley stirred the group chat to life.
"Boys, let's meet 9am on Sat - pick y'all up at yr place."
The next day, the three of us gathered only at 11.30am, true to our unbecoming habit of disregarding any form of punctuality.
As Carl our dense friend steps into the car, Stanley turns from his seat to face us and announces.
"I have officially bought the Queens Close flat!"
That was quickly followed by a continuous and collective squeal by the three of us in Stanley's car.
Anyone on duty at the weather station that morning would be alarmed by the sudden spike of seismic activity seen only in Tiong Bahru.
When the squealing finally stopped, Carl our dense friend started round two by clapping rapidly.
Stanley and I joined him, our group applause working up yet another unexplainable wave of tremors.
It must have been a busy and puzzling day for whoever was at the weather station.
But first things first.
Stanley wants us to be the first to view his flat.
Ten minutes later, we arrived at the neighbourhood.
"There," Stanley said proudly as if he were the town mayor.
"No, no, no, Carl. We're not going anywhere. We're viewing the unit from outside. I only get the keys two months down the road."
Carl's python-size biceps shrank in disappointment as he gloomily glared ahead.
"But there's nothing down the road," he said with a pout as if Santa isn't coming with presents.
Turns out, there is lots to see down the road.
First stop, Stanley brought us to the nearby Mei Ling Street Market where we would have a first-hand taste of brunch there.
As we sat before our spread of char bee hoon, fish ball noodles and black char tow kway, Stanley clasped his hands and said: "These are what I'll eat with my furture handsome husband when we wake up on Sundays after a rough night of sex on Thursday."
Carl, who has already put a fish ball in his mouth, counted with his non-chopstick holding hand, and with a sudden realisation of horror, slowly pulled out the fish ball and closed his eyes to compose himself.
After the cheap and good brunch, Stanley the Scout brought us on another adventure.
"This is the lush, green trail that I'll sometimes take evening strolls on," Stanley said with his arms spread wide as if to introduce us to the Amazon Forest.
"Over there, that's Queenstown MRT station. And over here," Stanley pauses for effect, "is the quarters of the elite police force."
Carl perked up at the revelation, his swollen biceps throbbing to life.
Carl is always fascinated by policemen.
As kids, one might say when I grow up I want to be a policeman.
For Carl, it's when I grow up I want to do a policeman.
Carl especially likes the beefy ones who look like they can lift five burglars with one arm but have trouble chasing after one because of their bulky frame.
Carl stood near the fence of the quarters and began constructing a love story involving a very strong abang polis.
Wanting to be encouraging, Stanley stood beside Carl and put his hand on our dense friend's shoulders.
"Some day, my friend," Stanley said to Carl, "you will have a beefy policeman stopping you and asking you to blow his stick."
Carl's eyes lit up with hope.
"But let's hope you'll never be caught for drink driving."
It was soon time for Carl to say goodbye to his short-lived romance and he reluctantly parted ways with the police quarters because Stanley our tour guide is rushing us already.
Next stop, the green corridor.
A stone's throw from Stanley's block is the beautifully revamped railway track that, in one direction takes us to Tanjong Pagar and the other, towards Rail Mall, near Stanley's and my family home.
Stanley even went to the extent of introducing us the neighbourhood cat, a grey and white tabby, who stirred awake from his noon nap, glared at his intruders, then proceeded to stretch and yawn.
By 1pm, all three of us felt the need to join the cat from all the exhaustion but no, Stanley has plans.
We were to move on to Ikea to source for furniture.
Carl licked his lips instinctively thinking of the famed meatballs there.
"There'll be so much to do from now on - there's no time to waste. I'm putting dating and one-night-stands on hold for now," said Stanley switching from sex bunny to energiser bunny mode.
"What do you think of this sofa? What do you think of this bed? What do you think of - wait, where's Carl? Did he sneak off to the restaurant?!"
Indeed, there's lots for Stanley to do, but there's only that much that can be done in one day.
By 4pm, Carl, who can lift weights for 3 hours and not complain, looked like he was about to crumble.
His human spirit and endurance have been put to the test.
"I will give you any top, official secret you seek - please either release me or finish me off," Carl begged.
Stanley the new home owner smiled.
"Yes, darling. I do seek some of the things you mentioned: Top, official, and especially releasing and finishing off".
"But let's be patient shall we? I don't have a place. Yet."
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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