Last Wednesday was a particularly difficult hump day for me.
Fortunately, Stanley my sex bunny friend -- who specialises in hump days -- was there for me.
And so was Carl the dense one.
The two of them had taken leave for a few days to help me pack up six months of my life into one medium-size luggage and one big (and fancy) hand-carry duffel bag.
I had been flown back from Myanmar in April on orders of my company and now that, the management has set a different direction for me, it is now putting me on a chartered flight back to the Enchanted Land.
The agenda of the day was simple.
Help me pack.
It was a case of all hands on deck now, given that I didn't have much time left.
"Isn't it more fun to have all hands on dick instead?" Stanley asked, handing me and Carl a glass each.
For that afternoon task of packing, Stanley had brought a bottle of white wine.
"There's work to do -- but first, we drink."
That day, the only activity that was happening was the drinking, not so much the packing.And catching up too -- it would be my last few days with the boys and although we had already said our goodbyes when I was first posted to Myanmar, it's not easy.
Carl the dense one, who is always the last to get the memo, has also been doing some catching up on his own, with the world too.
"Oh my God, did you guys know that Chris Evan's dick pic went viral?" said Carl, sounding like his stagnant brain just got a recent iOS upgrade.
"Wow," Carl said, digesting and taking in the news like he had just awakened from a coma.
"Darling, Chris Evan's accidental leak is what happened many months ago," Stanley said.
Setting his wine glass down, Stanley added "move. with. the. times.," clapping each word in front of Carl's face in a bid to wake our dense friend up.
"Besides," Stanley continued, "accidental leaks are so passe. The only time I would ever have an accidental leak would be when I'm 89, and trust me darling, that won't be a pretty picture."
Carl paused to think about what Stanley said and 40 seconds later, choked on his wine and promptly set his glass down to wipe his wet, dribbly chin, giving all of us a sneak peek of Stanley's accidental leak future.
It was an afternoon filled mainly with laughter but deep inside, I was sad.
By 4pm, the boys left me to do my own packing before I got ready to meet my partner J for dinner.
"I'm sad," I told J later.
My wise boyfriend of nearly 20 years looked at me and smiled.
"It's okay to be sad. It's natural to be sad. Why don't you list out things you're sad about?"
Later that night, I got down to doing just that.
I'm fortunate enough to be deemed important by Myanmar to take me back (though I'm riding on my company's clout). I'm flying back on business class. I'm gonna be quarantined in a suite. I'm returning to my second home where my close group of friends await, and where I am the boss of my team.
So, really, what's there to be sad about?
My family and J are all in good health and are supportive too.
And that's when it struck me.
It wasn't sadness I was feeling.
It was fear.
I fear that in my absence, my loved ones would age, fade away, fall ill and there's nothing I can do about it.
When I told J about it later that night, my sage-like lover says this is all part of life and such fear cannot hold me back.
I told Stanley all about it later on.
"J is right. Don't let fear hold you back. It's all very normal -- I feel the same way too," Stanley said in serious mode.
"It's okay to put your loved one behind. That doesn't mean you will lose connection with them," he said.
"That was exactly what I did after I left your place earlier... found someone on Grindr and I proceeded to put him behind me to feel that connection."
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