"I'm very excited! Stanley my sex bunny friend squealed the moment I updated him of my movement.
Stanley the slut is always excited by fluid situations.
My bosses had summoned me back for my own safety and I were to return to my lovely country indefinitely.
"Is your job safe?" Stanley asked with concern as I waited to board one of the last few SQ planes flying out of Yangon.
Well, from what I know, my job is safe -- for now. And I'm determined to count my blessings, given that some of my friends in the aviation sector are taking a significant pay cut.
"Well Stan, if I lose my job, realistically, I still have savings," I said.
"If not, I'll just sell my body for money."
"Adam darling," Stanley replied in a dull tone that sounded like an Catholic Convent head mistress about to get impatient with her stupid, naughty girls.
"I don't think you'll make a lot of money -- if not, at all -- from selling your body."
"You'll be better off selling your organs and other useful body parts."
Those were, unfortunately, Stanley's last words to me before I was forced to turn off my plane for takeoff.
And it was the most surreal plane ride.
Everyone was masked.
The crew too.
I can only imagine how they look like beneath their masks -- a task Stanley would certainly excel in given that he sometimes goes as far as to imagine how people's groins look like beneath their pants.
It was a mix of apprehension, anxiety, excitement, relief all at the same time.
I really didn't know which emotion to choose.
"Chicken with noodles or fish with potatoes?" my masked crew who looks more like a surgeon asks.
"Chicken -- and white wine please."
Time flies and soon, I landed at our world's finest, and emptiest airport.
What ensues next was a fair amount of waiting and queuing.
"Waiting to fill up forms," I updated the group.
Stanley, who had served his two-week Stay Home Notice before I did, was quick to offer me tips.
"While you can, take a good look at all the cute men and their packages. Take them all in. It's gonna be a long and dry journey darling," my sex bunny friend advises kindly.
"Gtg... they testing me for COVID".
Stanley was furious.
"Why did nobody swap me for COVID tests when I touched down, I want to know," he demanded.
"I would willingly let anyone swap me -- anywhere in my body -- for samples. In fact, if that swapper is cute I would even recommend he collects other types of samples from me," the obviously sex-denied Stanley continued.
"And Adam, if they take your temperature by way of inserting the thermometer into your anus, I am writing an official complaint letter to the health ministry for unfair treatment."
After what seems like half a day, I was finally out of the airport after having filled up the obligatory paperwork to register myself as a responsible citizen who would solemnly commit to a life of nunnery for two weeks.
I cannot imagine how my two weeks would be like after progressively hearing -- and seeing -- Stanley in various stages of nervous breakdowns during his two-week confinement.
At one point, Stanley admitted he had not showered in four days and had been wearing the same tee-shirt and boxers, proudly telling us that if he so much as to accidentally catch fire while cooking he would rapidly combust because a thin layer of oil and sebum had coated his entire unwashed body.
Fortunately for me, I were to put up at my sister's large designer apartment (god bless her wealth) after she willingly risked her life to have me with her (god bless her health).
So at least, I will be in the company of kin.
I decided it was best for me to stay with her than my partner J, who would have a lot to answer to, if he ever caught COVID from me.
As a welcome-home gift, Stanley imparted valuable advice to me on how to past time.
He even had the cheek to tell me to watch my personal hygiene.
"Adam, take it from me. On some days, you'll feel like life is not worth living for."
"You'll lose the will to do things, like showering."
"You must not give in."
"When I caught a glimpse of myself during my two-week Stay Home Notice, I was horrified," Stanley said.
"My hair was oily and matted and I looked like Medusa."
"I swear if any guy were to look at me in that state, he will turn into stone immediately."
I swallowed my saliva in a gulp, my body's natural response to dealing with shock.
"But now that I'm out and am super well groomed, anyone who looks at me now, will still turn into stone," Stanley said.
"The rock hard kind."
---------------------------
Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
No comments:
Post a Comment