Well, he didn't really mean to do it.
At around 2pm on April 3, news alerts flashed on mobile phones across the country.
At 4pm that day, Singapore's PM Lee Hsien Loong were to address the nation on how the sunny island is handling the dark, toxic COVID-19.
The words "further steps" were used in describing how the government would tackle the god-damn virus.
Naturally, the news alert sparked nationwide panic, the way bee colonies would fly in multiple directions if one were to smash a hornet's nest with a hammer.
By around 2.30pm Singapore time, supermarkets across the island were packed with people yet again.
My group chat, Red Berets, which I shared with 30-over friends from our National Service days, was abuzz with fake news.
"Singapore is going on lockdown!" wrote one of our friends Richard, in caps and bold for effect.
"Bro, my wife is at NTUC already," said Chang, the fattest of our group.
Stanley my sex bunny friend who's also my NS pal, couldn't help it.
"What the fuck guys, why's everyone panic buying again," he wrote.
Nobody paid attention to the level-headed comment.
In fact, at that moment, panic had risen to above all recommended levels.
"Bros, Singapore is going to be locked down -- get food NOW!" Ronnie Ng, who seldom posted anything in the group, wrote. And judging by the typos he made, Ronnie obviously was in an unstable state of mind.
At around 2.45pm, another news flash popped up in mobile phones across Singapore.
"NTUC will remain open 'come what may'," was the message.
"GUYS! COME WHAT MAY... IT MEANS SG WILL BE LOCKED DOWN SOON!!!" Came yet another message from Ronnie Ng, whose blood pressure must have shot up for the second time within hours.
Stanley gave up and messaged me separately.
"Are you panic buying Adam?"
Well, my answer is a definitive no, given that at the point of the news flash, I'm still serving my two-week Stay Home Notice and I am bound by law that I cannot step out of my home -- or in this case, my sister's home.
But my sis the typical Type A had been progressively stocking up food and she has 100 per cent faith that when our government says there'll be enough food for all to eat, there will be enough food for all to eat.
"I really cannot understand why Singaporeans -- highly educated as we all are -- would run out to buy and stock up cans of sardines which is by the way one of the yuckiest things on earth, sparked by possible fake news," Stanley wrote, his text obediently reflecting his exasperation.
"At least let the man in pink tell you what's to happen," Stanley said, predicting correctly that our prime minister were to wear a pink shirt in his address later that day.
Just then, Carl our dense friend typed in our group chat "Just the Boys".
"Guys, PM is locking down Singapore," said the clueless Carl, who on normal days cannot name all continents of the world and have no idea who Singapore's health minister is.
"Who's your source," Stanley challenged Carl.
"Did Gan Kim Yong personally tell you that?"
"Who's that?" Carl replied, reverting to his clueless self.
Sadly, fake news and anxiety of a looming lockdown that day had given a lot of people mental breakdown.
Mental being the operative word here.
It's like people had suddenly gone crazy.
In Stanley's office, Pauline Soh the office clerk dramatically proclaimed that she needed to go to NTUC.
"I can starve but my kids need to eat," Pauline shouted as she packed her bag to leave for the day.
Stanley later told the office it's a waste Pauline Soh wasn't scouted by Mediacorp's Channel 8 to be part of the cast of a 1945 period drama on World War II, given that Pauline would need little acting training to portray the role of a hunger-stricken villager who would cry pitifully while munching on a dirty sweet potato in the jungle.
Minutes later, Carl snapped photos of the NTUC he was in, informing us that the supermarket was jam-packed with housewives and grannies who were out on a shopping spree mission, their baskets and trollies filled with food items.
Carl meanwhile, stocked up on eggs, milk, chicken breast and nothing else.
Even in a lockdown, Carl the gym rabbit was determined to get his protein fix.
Stanley later told me that IF Singapore were to really be locked down, and that there would be no food, he'd be happy about it.
"All my life, I had been wanting to be thin. If there's really no food, then I'll really be thin," Stanley said blithely.
At exactly 4pm on April 3, our pink-donning PM started his nationwide address.
The key messages were that for a month, non-essential businesses would close and schools would conduct online lessons.
People can still go out, but they're discouraged to do so.
Stanley later told me he wanted to scream on Facebook, and shame all his fake-news sharing friends.
"But I don't have time now," Stanley said.
"I cannot afford to starve," he said.
"PM's speech may have stopped panic buying but it's sparked my panic fucking," my sex bunny friend explained.
"There's not much time left before all the cute guys obediently stayed at home."
"There's much to do -- I need to tie up my loose ends before next week."
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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