The last time my sex bunny friend breathed this hard into the phone, it was in 2010.
I remember because Stanley had famously given us a blow by blow account of his one and only phone sex engagement.
Right this moment though, it's Stanley's blood pressure -- not hormones nor any form of bodily fluid -- that's shooting through the roof.
"Is it that difficult to follow instructions?" Stanley asked, exerting his breath forcefully again.
"Stan, you need to breathe in and out calmly."
Stanley is very worked up.
Not too long ago, our government came up with a circuit-breaker measure, urging everyone to stay home as much as they can, so that we can stop transmitting COVID19 to one another.
To that extent, our lovely prime minister ordered all non-essential businesses to close and encouraged everyone to please stay the heck at home.
Stanley, who recently found freedom from his Stay Home Notice, was on board.
"Anything to save the country, I will do,", Stanley said.
God bless the drama queen.
"Including adopting all the cute and fit foreign workers from dirty dormitories and nursing them to good health," added Stanley.
God save the drama queen.
Shortly after the prime minister gave a deadline to the partial lockdown, Stanley began receiving messages from friends who asked him to hang out.
One last swim!
One last meal!
One last gathering!
Stanley gave it nicely to all his friends.
"Yes, one last swim. It could also lead to your one last breath. One last meal -- you could well have your wish cone true soon enough: Water drips on your death bed" Stanley wrote on his Facebook page.
I agree with Stanley that there many idiots out there.
Just the other day, I saw a suicide mission at my sister's lift lobby.
A family of seven -- that comprises the young and old -- and five other strangers entered the lift together.
And mind you, the lift isn't exactly huge. And as the doors closed, I watched in horror as everyone stood nearly shoulder to shoulder.
Why don't people feel responsible at all, I really have no idea.
"So, as I was saying," Stanley said in a raised voice but no longer breathing like he was an asthmatic Darth Vader, "I chided two groups of people just now."
Stanley should go around being a safe distance ambassador.
Back in our group chat, Carl the dense one asked how everyone was.
"Staying home and trying to avoid idiots".
Carl didn't reply immediately.
"What about you," I ask.
"Erm…. I'm at the gym... trying to clock in one last workout," our gym rabbit friend wrote timidly.
Stanley didn't reply immediately -- likely because he's counting one to 10 in his inner most zen voice.
"Carl," Stanley began.
"You do know that if you die from COVID that you catch from the gym, Adam and I can't go to your funeral because there's a limit of 10 people for such events right?"
Carl attempted to change the topic into something more light hearted.
"Stan, we can order wine online right? How much was your last order?"
"$250," Stanley wrote coldly.
"Cash?" Carl asked, eager to engage him in another topic.
"No, pebbles," Stanley snapped back.
"Oh," Carl wrote.
"I meant was it cash or credit card," he explained like a hurt child.
"Carl, do us a favour and get the heck out of the gym and back to your home please. Now's not the time to be so flippant about this," Stanley wrote seriously.
"Don't worry, Stan. Everything is fated. If we have to go, we have to go. If it's our time, it's our time," Carl attempted.
"Okay, Dailai Lama," Stanley said, and exited the group chat.
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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