Science of Personalities

I have always thought of myself as an extrovert.

The type who can walk in to a party - any party - and strike a conversation with anyone.

I had a chat about this with my sex bunny friend Stanley, who is also an extrovert.

The type who can walk into a party - "party" - and strike (and stroke) anyone.

This topic comes to mind because of late, I have been revisiting the status of my personality,  thanks to rules that require many of us to stay home and minimise interactions with the physical world.

Am I still an extrovert? Am I an introvert? 

Stanley cannot understand why I am so obsessed with fitting myself into a pigeon hole.

This coming from a man who is himself obsessed with fitting into holes.

All my life, I had been raised to believe that I am outgoing and sociable.

I mean, I tick all the boxes of an extrovert: I have no problems with interaction, I enjoy making new friends, and I make conversations easily with strangers.

Friends would definitely say I'm an extrovert. 

But of late, I have reason to suspect I'm not.

The reason I raise this topic is simple.

If I had mis-categorised myself, have I been living a lie all this while?

Who is the real Adam Lee?

Okay, let's back up a bit.

When I returned to Singapore for the Chinese New Year holidays earlier this year, I had spent almost all my waking hours meeting family, my partner J, as well as all my close circle of friends.

Every day was a happy day filled with good food, good coffee, good alcohol, and definitely good company.

I was in full extrovert mode: Engaging, lively, sociable.

But I found that draining.

I started craving me-time, which I usually have because I do enjoy spending time alone.

When I flew back to Yangon where I'm based, I took two more weeks off just to recover.

My plan was simple. Be alone.

On the plane back, I filled up my calendar with activities.

• Read new novel at a cafe (I had finished Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn back in Singapore and, just to pace myself with crime thrillers, I promptly bought a Cecilia Ahern chick lit)
• Grocery shopping (stock up on food and prepare healthy meals)
• Workout (I miss running near the serene lake outside my condo)
• Massage (there's a cheap and good local massage place where I would do an hour head massage followed by two hours of foot massage... all for less than fifty Singapore dollars)
• Relax at sauna (I go to the one at Sule Shangri-La where, for around 25 Singapore dollars, I get a whole day of me-time)
• Watch movie alone (there's a theatre just downstairs from where I live)
• Sip red wine by my balcony (and write entries for this blog)
• Watch Netflix guiltlessly (and not worry about work)

One week later, all that I did were to wake up in the morning, eat healthy food, laze around the house, decide that I would spend the day watching Netflix and before I knew it, that was all that I had done.

Me-time, sure I did have - after all, I did spend time alone.

But I was cooped up in my home and the longer I stayed indoors, the more lethargic I got.

And I didn't even have the energy to get out of the house.

The more I stayed indoors, the more I realised just how much I loved being alone... but the problem is, I felt drained too.

Therein lies the problem.

Too much of going out with friends drains me. Too much of spending time with myself drains me.

Stanley says maybe the real Adam Lee is Goldilocks who needs to find something that fits me just nice.

Fortunately, I have interfriendtion here in Yangon.

One of my closest friends Claudia - a feisty go-getter from Singapore - decided to drag me out of my me-time coma.

That was in mid-February.

For the first time in weeks, I had actual human interaction.

We both went for a swim (Claudia's also a triathlete so it's not the frolicking, you-splash-me-with-water, I-splash-you-with-water and then we start giggling type of swimming) and then we rewarded ourselves with a spread of burger and beer at a nearby pub.

And boy, did that feel good.

Claudia breaks it down for me.

I'm a mulit-vert who has a switch.

On occasions when I need to be extro, Adam Lee comes out to socialise. On occasions when I'm tired of meeting people, Adam Lee turns off the switch, covers himself with a blanket over his head and snoozes.

But there has to be moderation.

The more I socialise to no end, or the more I keep myself inward to no end, the more I will be drained and self-destroyed, Claudia says, wiping ketchup off her upper lip with the back of her hand.

"So you'll have to get the hell out of your apartment no matter how cosy it is, and actually interact with the elements of the outside world while being alone," she says.

Wise words, even though this guruji in front of me is talking with her mouth full and has bits of beef stuck in her teeth and she's licking her oily fingers dry so that she can take another swig of her beer.

The next morning, Claudia messages me and tells me to "Get out of the house now".

She then posts a photo of herself at the local gym, saying "let's rock the world".

Today, with Claudia's wise words, I finally get it that I'm one who enjoys both indoors and outdoors.

So while I'm stuck at home trying to keep away from COVID -- and enjoying while it lasts -- I too, can't wait for my next party of interaction, when all this is over.

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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people