The start of the new year is often the start of many peoples' body transformation journey.
The never-ending cycle goes like this:
Nearing December, we binge on log cakes, turkey, and basically any animal that couldn't swiftly escape captivity and ends up being butchered and thrown into a boiling pot or a sizzling pan.
The feasting is enjoyable but the very same mouth that's accepting too many forkfuls of cooked carcasses is also spewing words of guilt at the same time.
Oh my god, this is so good, but so fattening. This is so sinful. I can't stop eating!
We console ourselves and one another that we can always diet next year and we seal the promise by picking up more booze to toast to that.
And then the next year comes and everyone is hopeful and energised because the new year brings new hope to our body transformation journey.
Plans are drawn up, diet schedules fixed, gym memberships signed.
We tie banners around our foreheads and throw fist pumps and charge forward with zest.
Out of 10, six would drop out of the race in the first quarter of the year.
The dieting is too unsustainable -- very hard to eat clean every one leh. Intermittent fasting doesn't make sense. I'm hungry all the time!
Balancing work and workouts is never easy. It's been a long day. I'll work out tomorrow. Oh, I can't. I have a morning meeting and late-night entertaining to do.
And some habits are absolutely impossible to break: I cannot not have wine with dinner. And dessert is stored in a separate stomach (yes, that's true -- that separate compartment is called the belly).
The remaining four who move on to the next quarter would have their own struggles too.
Two out of the four would have hit a wall and they're not losing as much fat or gaining as much muscles.
One of them would give up, the other one would continue doing the same thing with not much progress.
The remaining two who're still in the running for America's Next Top Model strive on, pumping iron, munching on cardboard to get that perfect shape.
By the third quarter, these warriors see results and they're eager to show off to the world.
They'd strip to near nudity and take photos for IG with annoying captions like "Don't know what to eat for breakfast today" while posing only with a spoon, a pair of shorts and nothing else.
Of the two, one of them would reward himself with all the hard work and start binging in November.
And then, the overeating and the guilt would arise, and on Dec 31, the fella would, along with nine other failed contestants, embark on that never-ending loop of body transformation journey yet again.
"Errr... and your point is?" Stanley my sex bunny friend responds, looking at me with his eyes ready to roll towards heaven.
"Yah, Adam. What is your point actually," echoes Carl the dense one who genuinely doesn't know what's going on most of the time.
In fact, Carl often echoes questions so much that echoing is all that you can hear if you were to enter Carl's head space and call out to the empty space at large.
Stanley on the other hand, is a piece of work.
If you so much as to shout in the sex bunny's head space, you will likely hear voices of other men there, some of whom trapped from his past sexcapades and are likely asking for your help.
The three of us are in our usual video call and the topic of losing weight came naturally.
"I think I need to lose weight," said Carl the dense one, who, without further ado, began doing squats, seizing every moment of his life.
Also seizing was Stanley.
"I also want to lose this much fat," he said, force-pinching a thin layer of flesh from his taut torso.
Stanley is one of those who at age 42 remains to be a lean mean fighting machine -- mean being the operative word.
"Hey, take that back," Stanley barked at me, before turning his attention to Carl, adding "Carl dear, you don't need to lose weight. But you do need to start working out your legs before they snap like twigs."
Carl, who never gets the memo and never gets sarcasm, beamed with delight, patting his python-size biceps.
All his life, Carl had focused his humanly energy on pumping iron, making his biceps swell to unhumanly proportions.
Like all other basic gym gays, Carl devotes his life in the gym and is thus very top heavy.
Stanley, who is neither top nor heavy, spends much of his workout life on the running tracks, which explains his lean physique.
I, being the only happily attached man among the group, am no longer burdened by the weights of the dumbbell on my shoulders since my partner J will love me even if my body came in the form of a brown leather sofa.
And as I sit on my oversized, comfy couch typing this blog post (while munching on my second packet of potato chips), I wonder when we will ever stop fussing over our body image.
Growing up, I had been conscious of my own body. I knew I didn't want to be the fat kid in school, but I also didn't have much to worry about 'cos I was for the longest time, a skinny kid from all the extra curricular activities I had been doing.
Stanley the sex bunny is also very conscious of his own body.
I fully embrace and am aware of all my erogenous zones, he would say.
Friends around me are mostly conscious of their bodies.
Some are more open than others, and can frankly share their insecurities about what they don't like about their bodies.
Others are too open and can frankly do with more clothes on IG.
Nobody wants to see your naked torso while they're scrolling their phones on the toilet bowl please. And if you want to show off your body on social media, don't be a humble brag by posing half naked on your balcony with a meaningless caption like "feeling grateful for the morning sun." I think you would gain more respect by just saying "this is my hot bod, and I'd like you to worship it".
But I digress.
Whether we are gay or straight, man or woman, we would always have insecurities in our bods.
And even if we are proud of our bods, we will feel insecure too -- will we always have those good bods? Will they one day sag?
Regardless, being aware of one's body image and wanting to pursue a better bod is not a bad thing.
Whether you couch it as "developing a healthy lifestyle" or wanting to carve out a great bod so that people can worship you, it's a phenomenon that will never go away.
The perpetual cycle of wanting a good bod will always be in trend.
And there's nothing wrong with pursuing a hot bod, Stanley the sex bunny says.
"I'm constantly going after hot bods especially those that don't belong to me -- and that's perfectly healthy.
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