We tend to mark the start of each new year with hope.
This year, it's particularly significant.
The prospects of vaccines circulating the world to snuff out COIVD-19 is both satisfying and promising.
Stanley my sex bunny friend is particularly excited by the vaccine.
The promise of being pricked -- even if it's by a sharp needle -- is a joyous occasion, given that Stanley had tried to be as virginal as possible in the last 12 months.
"I swear if a cute guy were to so much look in my direction -- and not even necessarily directly at me -- I could get pregnant with his child," Stanley said over our weekly WhatsApp video call the other day.
Carl instinctively patted his flat, washboard abs, the product of he and his newfound online fitness trainer persona Jeremy Sry.
"I hope that when they give me my vaccine, they do so the traditional way," Stanley said, starting to stand up from his bed. "I would like them to jab my ass because trust me, there hasn't been much of such action in the past year," he said, thrusting one butt cheek at the phone camera.
Carl quickly waved his hands, dismissing the offensive body part.
"Put that away, Stan! They look like tits!"
Encouraged by Carl, Stanley wiggled his buttocks for the camera.
When he was eventually tired, Stanley sat back down on his bed and continued on the trajectory.
"Speaking of ass, I made a regrettable decision last night."
Carl, sensing potential juice, leans forward.
"Spill!"
Turns out, there was indeed juice, and there was indeed much to spill.
Too much, in fact.
"I will never ever eat mala in my life ever again," Stanley said. "Those spicy Szechuan chunks gave my asshole the burn yesterday.
Carl slowly retreated from his phone and tried to regain some colour to his face.
"My New Year resolution in 2021 is to stop eating so much spicy food. My ass will thank me for that later," Stanley said.
And before anyone could say anything to change the subject, Stanley quipped: "Then again, if my ass does thank me, he will be thanking me for giving it a lot of pumping action to enjoy in the last 30 years".
"Speaking of thankful," Carl the dense one cut in, "hard as it can be, I think we ought to look back and really find things to be grateful for."
"I totally agree," Stanley said without missing a beat.
"Whenever I look back, I can almost always feel something to be thankful for. And trust me, it's always hard."
Feeling the need to moderate the conversation before it gets out of hand, I step in.
"What are your New Year resolutions for 2021, boys?"
The boys, who don't often believe in resolutions, actually took some time to ponder on my question.
Carl wants to get back on track and gym his life away this year to make up for all the lack of action in 2020.
"I need to fatten these biceps up," Carl the gym rabbit says, flexing his python size muscles which look way too big to look like actual human arms.
Carl's arms have never been in the correct shape as stipulated by God.
Stanley's behind too, has never been in the correct shape as stipulated by God.
In fact, years of his ungodly ways made sure of that, but let's not go there.
For Stanley, his 2021 must be filled with good things, he says.
I was scared to ask what he meant by good things and where those good things were supposed to fill.
But Stanley did conclude that he is determined to be in good health this year -- load up on vitamins, supplements so that he won't die when someone sneezes in the lift.
Later, I posed the same question to my partner J.
For him, 2021 will be no different from 2020, 2019, 2018 and so on.
My boyfriend of nearly 20 years has always been consistent. Every day is New Year's day if you view it with appreciation, he would say.
Leave it to Stanley to contextualise things.
2021 will be a reawakening for the world of sorts, he says.
Just like fetuses, we will see light at the end of the sticky, moist vaginal tunnel and we will gravitate towards it.
And once we patiently wriggle out of the slimy tunnel that's 2020, we will emerge in 2021 with promises of a vaccine and the lure of a world reborn.
Here's hoping.
And here's wishing everyone of my beloved readers a fruitful, healthy, and promising 2021!
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