After having bought his own place recently, and giving the theme of his home much thought, Stanley is finally ready to meet the man of his place.
The man (or woman) who would be tasked with handling his hard.... earned money to convert the resale flat into his dream home.
Leave it to the speed dating expert to line up multiple potentials within the span of a day.
This way, we won't waste time, says Stanley.
He's decided to meet potential interior designers in our home turf: Rail Mall, a place that's near to my mum and Stanley's parental home.
It's home ground.
And when we hunt, we hunt best in familiar territory, was Stanley's reason.
At 11am, we were set to meet the first ID.
Stanley had been shortlisting these designers based on their work on Qanvast.
First up, a heavily made up ah lian named Kimberly.
"No, no, no, let me buy you a drink, please. I insist," Stanley told Miss Ah Lian two minutes into our meeting. "Imagine if you meet 10 potential clients and you had to pay for coffee, you'll be making a loss!"
Miss Ah Lian giggled coyly, happy to be treated so lovingly by a man whom she knows will never buy her coffee to get into her tight Aramni jeans.
Over at the Coffee Bean counter, Stanley told me this was his tactic.
"If I paid for drinks, I won't feel guilty for rejecting her if I don't like her ideas".
As we set our respective drinks down, Stanley cut to the chase.
"Okay, show me what you've got," said Stanley, sounding decisively unsexual for the first time in his life.
Miss Ah Lian got down to work, sketching her ideas on a piece of paper, showing how she would hack certain walls and design a place for Stanley.
My friend nodded politely and sipped his mocha latte continuously, not uttering anything apart from an occasional mm and ah.
"Okay, thank you Kim -- you don't mind if I called you Kim right -- for your time," Stanley said 15 minutes later, all business-like.
"I don't like her," Stanley said. "And it's mainly because she doesn't have what I want."
I was scared to ask what it was that Miss Ah Lian was lacking.
"She didn't ask me what I wanted. And she went right into designing my house the way she sees it. What about me? Did she even ask me what I wanted?" Stanley said.
"So, it's a no for me."
Fair enough. Miss Ah Lian was very template-like.
It was as if out of 10 clients, Miss Ah Lian would propose the same idea to all of them.
Up next, a chubby and sweaty designer named Alan.
Again, Stanley bought us another round of drinks and we got down to business.
"Okay," Alan said, wiping beads of sweat on his forehead, cheeks and upper lips.
I eyed his wet armpit sweat patches and secretly wished I could excuse myself.
"Tell me what exactly what you want, and I'll design it for you," said the sweaty designer.
Stanley stared at Alan for a while and said, "I don't know. Why don't you tell me".
Alan began sweating on cue.
"Oh, I thought it'd be easier if you just told me what you wanted and then we can carry out that design for you," the chubby designer said.
"Nope. I'm not using him," Stanley said after Alan left.
"Who's the designer here? If you can't tell me what to do and you need to take specific instructions from me... then you're but a mere contractor," Stanley said coldly.
Okay, Goldilocks.
Stanley insists he's not being difficult.
I have very strict criteria for these designers. They have to prove themselves, he says.
This coming from a man who has no standards, no criteria when it comes to his Tinder and Grindr hookups.
Which is why the third and final designer lined up that day was perfect.
Thompson (or "oh, just Thomp please) is a very fair, clean-cut guy in his early thirties.
Large puppy eyes framed by a pair of black, dark nerdy specs. And he has the cutest goatee.
Thomp is tall and slightly buff and judging from the way he laughs and smiles, he looks like he had just been invited to tea by his best friend's slutty mother who's out to seduce him.
Which, at that point, isn't far from the truth.
"Oh, let me buy you coffee please," Stanley said sultrily. "So that the next time we meet, drinks will have to be on you."
At the drinks counter, Stanley whispered to me that the next time drinks is on Thomp, it would be some form of thick milk shake with whipped cream which will be literally on Thomp's slightly buff body.
Before Stanley could say anything, Thomp said: "So, Stanley, before we start, why don't you tell me more about yourself?"
That got Stanley very stirred.
"Well, I am single," Stanley said, putting the most vital piece of information right at the very top.
"And I don't like to be top," he said next.
Thomp took a sip of his drink and stifled a smile.
"By that, I mean, I don't like to be a domineering client. I'm really easy. I'm really flexible," Stanley said, taking full control of the conversation.
"Tell me about your lifestyle," Thomp said.
I was beginning to sweat like the previous chubby designer, afraid of what details Stanley might spill.
Because when Stanley does spill, it's not just dirty deeds, but also his seeds that will come out, and I don't want to be there when the nightmare happens.
Turns out, there's nothing for me to worry about.
Thomp had genuinely wanted to know Stanley's lifestyle so that he can make suggestions on how to design a place to suit his habits.
"I like him," Stanley mouthed to me when Thomp wasn't looking.
And truth me told, I liked Thomp too.
He's meticulous and I'm particularly impressed by the fact that he bothers finding out his clients' hobbies and interests before tailoring a design for them.
For Stanley, Thomp suggested a cosy reading corner near his living room window. And that area would also feature a built-in longish table so that friends who're over for dinner can adjourn to that area for dessert.
"Or it could well be a place for you and your friends to have pre-dinner drinks while waiting for the sun to set," Thomp said. "Or, you know, it could be a place for you and your special one to sit in the morning with a cup of hot chocolate, waiting to see the sunrise."
"This sounds promising," Stanley said instinctively, excited by the prospects of the word rise.
I was immediately bought over.
A designer who cares about your lifestyle habits is a good designer.
I made a mental note to introduce Thomp to my friends who're looking for a designer.
Though not Carl.
Anyone who talks to Carl would naturally hack down all walls and give his home a minimalist theme after talking to our dense friend, to reflect his personality.
But I digress.
"I love your concept. I love your idea," Stanley said, giggling like a shy school girl.
"I mean, I would like to live in a beautifully designed home. But I don't want to live in a show flat, you know what I mean. Unless the show flat comes with models," Stanley said, and added "male models."
Thomp laughed politely.
After detailing plans for Stanley's living room (which would also feature an area for Stanley to display his alcohol selection), Thomp moved on to the bedroom.
"Mmm, I'm excited now," Stanley said. "We're entering my bedroom."
"Many of my clients want a walk-in wardrobe, but I want to hear your views first, because a walk-in wardrobe is popular but may not suit everyone," Thomp said.
"I totally agree," Stanley replied. "But I do want a walk-in wardrobe instead of a closet. If I wanted a closet, I would have stayed inside it and not walked out."
Thomp again laughed.
"You're really funny," he said, amused by my sex bunny friend.
Then, making notes on his sketch pad, Thomp added "okay, so you'll want a walk-in wardrobe. Sure. I'll knock down this wall here, and then reconstruct one here, so that you have a comfortably big space for that."
"I like the sound of that," Stanley the size queen said.
As for the bed, Thomp suggested Stanley customise a bed frame.
"Queen size bed?" Thomp asked.
"Absolutely correct. Queen is correct," Stanley smiled suggestively at Thomp.
"I mean, I'm single, but a Queen sized bed is good. I'm not seeing any girl," Stanley said, then added "ever."
Thomp smiled and instinctively twirled his wedding band as if invoking some form of divine protection from this hungry client of his.
By the end of Thomp's pitch, Stanley was obviously on a high.
I could tell from his looks that he's found the guy. The guy whom he wants for his place, if only just as a designer.
"I'm very sorry if I asked you so many questions or took up so much of your time," Stanley told Thomp towards the end of the meeting.
"It's just that, for me, it's very important for me to explore the body of works of all my interior designers," said Stanley who, to his credit, did not stress the words explore, body and interior.
Thomp looked genuinely touched and said thank you.
"I think it's fair for me to say that I am appointing you as my man," said Stanley who's beginning to falter.
"I want you to take on this job. Break down all our barriers and walls. And put your skills and drills to good use," he said, and reached out to shake Thomp's hand.
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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