"I've recently gone down the rabbit hole," Stanley my sex bunny friend texted in our group chat the other day.
I was scared to ask him what he meant.
Carl the dense one, the other member in our group chat, also remained quiet since he is always two steps behind the world at large.
If Carl were to fall into a rabbit hole, he would be blissfully unaware of his situation and spend his time doing push ups in the dark alleys to pass time.
Stanley, on the other hand would be acutely aware of his situation and would scribble his phone number on the tunnel walls, hoping to do his version of push ups in the dark alleys to pass time.
"I am officially in love with all the BL movies put up by Netflix," Stanley wrote, revealing his latest love of his life. "And now, I'm binge watching all the online BL movies ever made in the history of mankind!"
Carl the dense one began typing.
"I know right! I absolutely know what you mean -- I love them!" Carl wrote, proving that sometimes, miracles do happen.
BL shows, for all the Carls out there, is short for Boy Love shows, and the story line almost always involves two male characters falling in love in school.
Almost all BL shows start with one gay character who has a boy crush on a straight schoolmate and by some stroke of luck, that straight schoolmate loves the other boy back.
Stanley, who just received his doctorate on BL movies, gave me 90 marks for my analysis, but pointed out that the only stroking between the boys should not be a stroke of luck but a stroke of f**k.
As homework, Dr Stanley Ong, PhD, BL drama, prescribed me a to-watch list.
And being the typical hardworking student, I not only watched the dramas dutifully, but I also researched further into the topic to earn my As.
Carl Chang's BL story
Carl was in Sec 4 and in his sweet sixteens when he fell in love with his school mate.
Jerome was his name, and being charming was his game.
"Jerome is the type who doesn't know he's handsome, and is so down to earth," Carl said.
Stanley quietly told me on the side that no wonder Carl likes Jerome. "Carl's friend is handsome but he doesn't know he's handsome. Carl is dense but he doesn't know he's dense himself. Do you see the pattern here Adam?"
Jerome and Carl were school mates in different classes.
Jerome was in Science and Carl, Arts.
Their paths crossed because they were both from the same ECA (or CCA, as it's now called).
Jerome, being pleasant and brotherly to all his friends, was naturally well liked by his peers.
And in his case with Carl, a bit too over-liked.
"What made me fall in love with Jerome was what he did for me during a camp," Carl said.
Stanley naturally got very excited about how this particular BL movie is playing out.
"We were doing a mini road march carrying our heavy haversacks. Jerome happened to be right behind me."
"Oooo, this is exciting," Stanley cut in during the three-way video call.
"The stars are all aligned -- Jerome is right behind your ass, and there is haver-sex," Stanley said.
Carl was obviously not paying attention to Stanley, as he smilingly recalled what happened next.
"For the next 2 hours, Jerome lifted my haversack so that it's not heavy on me. And that made me very moved."
Stanley was visibly disappointed that the only thing Jerome laid his hands on were Carl's haversack, and not even his sac.
Since then, Carl liked Jerome a lot more.
Too much 'more' if you ask me.
Jerome is straight and not surprisingly, had a girlfriend.
Carl recalls buying Jerome a farewell gift (a baby G watch) after their O Level exams and Jerome innocently hugged Carl in a mix of gratitude and excitement.
That day, Carl hid in the school toilet and cried.
"I want to tell Carl that there are many things he can do in a school toilet that could involve tears but not from heartbreak," Stanley texted me using his Whatsapp web. "But seeing that Carl is about to break down now, I thought I should tell you this so that my joke doesn't go to waste."
Stanley Ong's BL story
Unlike Carl, Stanley has no BL story to share.
Yes, it's hard to believe that our sex bunny friend has such an innocent record.
But Stanley does have a stellar record.
In secondary school, Stanley was a pudgy and oily student with matted hair but he was his school's top student.
Yes, it's hard to believe that Stanley the bottom is once top.
"I actually hate secondary school life," Stanley said. "All I remember was mugging and studying and then going for tuition classes."
Stanley may have put all his focus on books, but he unknowingly was the attention of his classmate Wen Zhou.
According to Stanley, Wen Zhou was a very close competitor in his studies.
"Let's just say that Wen Zhou and I are birds of a feather, but trust me, we don't flock together if you know what I mean," Stanley said, air quoting the word flock with his fingers.
"Wen Zhou is a nerd. He's tall and hunched, has sickly pale skin and smells of medicated oil," Stanley said scrunching up his nose.
"And he's always tagging along with me to the school library and always wants to hang out. I slowly tried to distance myself from Wen Zhou after a while because he always looks at me with creepy eyes like he wants to take a knife and butcher off my limbs."
Today, Wen Zhou is still single, and still in touch with Stanley.
According to Stanley, he's still hunched, still sickly pale and probably still smells of medicated oil.
But that fella is rich and has 3 condos, thanks to his successful banking career.
Stanley has no regrets seeing Wen Zhou purely as a friend.
J my partner's BL story
J's school life had been quite typical of most boy students who go to a certain type of school.
He was good in his studies and beyond the classroom, J was also quite the athlete.
He represented his secondary school in hockey and competed in swimming when he was in JC.
J tells me he had no time for boy crushes in his school because he was so occupied.
But J did have someone who was actively pursuing him.
The boy was from another JC -- an Indonesian Chinese.
Indo boy took an interest in J in what must have been love at first fight for him. Both Indo boy and J met at the swimming lanes and had competed against each other in the 200m breast stroke event.
When J recalled that story to me, all I was interested in was whether there was any actual breast stroking that happened but I didn't want to imagine those details.
J told me the story matter of factly: Indo boy approached J in the toilet and shook my hand and said it was a good swim (Indo boy came in second and J was close in third place).
Anyway, J said Indo boy asked him for his pager number and J didn't have a pager back then so J gave him his home phone number."
Stanley raised his eyebrows suggestively. Carl cautiously looked between Stanley and me, carefully pondering on his next step.
"J did mention that Indo boy asked him out a few times and they went to the library together or something. And he did briefly mentioned that Indo boy walked him home after one of those outings."
"Dates, you mean," Stanley the evil spawn added.
"Outings," I said.
Point is, J said he wasn't overthinking things, and Indo boy to him was just a friend.
"That's actually a very sweet love story, Adam," said Carl, his voice trailing off just as his brain catches up with his words for him to realise he may be better off silent as usual.
But I agree with Carl.
It is a very sweet and innocent BL story.
"I have a follow up question," Stanley said raising his hand.
"I want to rewind to the part where J and Indo boy were in the toilet."
"Are you sure nothing happened? Stanley the shit stirrer asked.
"Two boys, skimpily dressed, both in the toilet. There's shaking of 'hands' and God knows what other body parts and they're talking about who came first, second and third -- which to me is an obvious query on positions!"
Stanley, Stanley.
No comments:
Post a Comment