I have a lot going on my plate right now. It seems a tad too messy. And, damn, it's bloody too.
It was the perfect afternoon date. My partner of 20 years J and I are on a birthday outing.
Well, not exactly birthday-birthday (we celebrated his actual birthday at his home with a lovely homecooked dinner by J's mum).
That afternoon, it was makeup birthday celebrations, just the two of us.
It had been so long since we went out as a couple.
Sure, it is warm and fuzzy and comforting to spend time with J and his family on most weekends, and to have the occasional meet ups with my siblings and J, as well as with our common friends.
I have been grumbling that we no longer go on dates, so a few days after J's actual birthday, we found ourselves at Lawrys.
It was the perfect date.
When I was younger and poorer, I would always pass by Orchard Road as a teen, wondering when I'd be rich enough to eat at what seemed to me as a high-end steak house.
So it was a dream come true for me when the very friendly maitre d' led J and I to a bright window corner seat at Lawrys.
On my plate was the Lawyrs cut -- a slab of medium rare steak that is so easy to slice. So easy that with each slice comes the slight oozing of faint blood.
I have never imagined that blood and fat can taste so good.
Then again, when you're on a date with the love of your life, fat, blood and carcasses can taste like magic.
Except in my case, it was truly amazing.
J chose his cream corn and spinach for his side dish while I opted just the cream corn.
The food was grand -- some 400g of a part of a killed cow was on my plate, along with very sweet and creamy corn.
Every bite was a bliss because one, I had finally stepped foot into Lawyrs after 20 years, and two, I'm here with the love of my life.
For the occasion of birthday, we clinked glasses, and had a deliberately unhurried lunch, just the way all first dates ought to be.
Even though the restaurant was punctuated with a happy birthday song every 10 minutes, it felt like there was only J and I in the restaurant.
Once in a while, the overly friendly Rose would ask if we'd like any wine top up (yes, please) and if everything were okay (yes, it is).
J and I talked about everything under the sun.
Well, under the rain, rather.
It was a very rainy afternoon, and even though it was the perfect day to curl up in bed with J, I was glad I'm out with him.
We hadn't gone out -- dressed respectably -- in a while, and I was going to savour every moment.
From our main course to dinner and dessert.
After our very heavy meal, J and I took a slow walk inside Mandarin Gallery, looking at every shop.
We made a mental note to paint together some day when we passed by a shop that sort of caters to hobbyist artists.
We stopped by a plant shop, pointing out or favourite pot.
We marvelled at colourful cakes decorated with creamy icing and fancy toppings, and were reminded of how full we were.
We ended up on a cafe where we ordered a double espresso each and continued to chat.
It's amazing that after 20 years, we never ran out of things to say to each other.
And when we do have our moments of silence, they weren't awkward.
Two tables away, a young gay couple who looked like they were on their first dates stole glances at J and I.
I smiled at them, hoping they could sense my wishes for them: That they too can grow old together if that's what they wanted with each other.
When the clock struck 5.30pm, J asked if I was hungry.
"Are you kidding me? I am still full from lunch! I want something light for dinner," I told him seriously.
We ended up at an Indian restaurant that evening.
"We'll just order three dishes at most, and nothing else," J instructed.
True to form, Curry Magic was amazing.
The cosy restaurant, which seemed to be run by a family, served up the best curry I had ever eaten.
Despite not being all that hungry, I mopped up my plate with naan.
J looked at me and smiled as I ate hungrily.
It was a smile that I had come to love since I first met him.
That night, I walked J home since Curry Magic was just a short walk from his place.
It was a cool night.
"I had an amazing night," I told J. "We need to have more of such first dates in future."
J winked at me and said ok.
As I parted ways with J at his home that night, I felt super heavy.
My tummy was effin' full.
But my heart was fuller.
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