Rich Drama

Last Sunday, my phone buzzed almost non stop.

My sister had been texting me on WhatsApp, her messages increasingly agitated.

Turns out, there's family drama brewing in the Lee family.

My sister has officially blocked our mum from WhatsApp.

"I told her to STOP sending me fake news, good morning messages and all the useless videos," she typed.

"I told her!" she wrote in bold.

I knew better than to interrupt so I stared at the screen while she continued typing.

"I show you," she typed.

And before I could say "no need", I was visually attacked with a wave of images - 23 in total all popping up on my phone one after another.

Majority of the images were likely fake health news, fake lifestyle news, fake news from China as well as a video of a grand nephew whose dad is our distant cousin whom we didn't really care about.

Faced with that volley of information, I wanted to say I could see where the family resemblance came from, but decided to bite my tongue and instead, took one more mouthful of cornflakes.

"Wow," was what I typed back, partly thrilled by the coco pops crackling with every bite.

"Don't say I didn't warn her.... I told her four times already. This month!" my sis said.

And then, "Oh, by the way, there's family drama... wanna hear?"

I set my bowl down and braced myself.

If what she shared wasn't considered drama....

My sis verifies this isn't fake news because mum told her two nights ago when my sis dropped by for soup.

"She told me in person," my sis said in an attempt to boost credibility.

It was as if, had mum told her about this gossip over WhatsApp, it would automatically be treated as fake news.

No, no, no.

This one is real because mum shared this with sis in person. 

Turns out, one of our aunties - who's so wealthy beyond words we have to use dollar signs and exclamation marks to describe her net worth - has recently changed her will.

Auntie Choy San had made her fortune by pure luck.

She married the man she loved though he was still a poor, struggling businessman.

But over time, Uncle Felix built up a successful logistics firm and went from rags to riches.

My sis and I used to dislike that family because every extended family gathering was an opportunity for them to remind us they were wealthy.

As if we couldn't tell from the way they wore their money around: Uncle Felix's thick gold chain which even 1960s Chinatown gangsters would avoid wearing purely from an aesthetics point of view, diamond studs that dot every part of Aunty Choy San's body - her ears, her fingers, her neck, and even her bloody reading glasses, I kid you not.

Flaunting is one thing.

Taunting is another.

There came a point when they would judge a person by the type of housing they lived in.

But let's not talk bad about the dead.

Uncle Felix died some three years ago of nose cancer.

Of course, he left behind a family fortune for Aunty Choy San and our two cousins, one of whom is a useless bum and the other, while nice, is literally an enormous bum.

Long story short, Uncle Felix's three-storey house in Sixth Avenue was sold because Aunty Choy San felt the house was too hollow, given that cousin Enormous Bum was married and had moved out. Cousin Useless Bum, a happy-go-lucky playboy, still lives with her.

With the money, Aunty Choy San bought two condo units, fully paid for, of course.

One unit goes to cousin Enormous Bum. The other, to cousin Useless Bum.

According to my sister the Queen of Gossips, Aunty Choy San recently changed her will after she overheard her Useless Bum son over the phone, telling his girlfriend, that "don't worry - the condo is in my name. If I so want it, I can kick my mum out anytime".

I gasped.

We had all known cousin Useless Bum to be a financial sponge off Aunty Choy San.

But for him to actually say those words - provided that he did indeed say those words (but then again it has to be true because mum told sis this in person, not over WhatsApp ) - then it has to be the most tragic thing Aunty Choy San had to hear since learning of Uncle Felix's death.

"Right? Right? Right?" my sis typed, pleased with herself as a sharer of news, very much so like mum.

And so Aunty Choy San had very quietly gone to her family lawyer - accompanied by mum, who turned out to be a key stirrer who single-handedly thickened the plot.

Mum had apparently taught Aunty Choy San to pen it in her will that if she ever got kicked out of the condo unit that cousin Useless Bum owned, then the rest of the family inheritance will not go to that unfilial son but instead, kept frozen until cousin Useless Bum's firstborn turns 21. Then the money goes to Aunty Choy San's grandchild.

And the conditions: Cousin Useless Bum has to remain married to his wife until her grandchild inherits the family fortune... and even then, that grandchild will receive the inheritance in installments once every five years...

I was giddy with all those details.

I had to slow clap at mum's brilliance.

This is what watching years of TVB dramas can do to you.

Never step on mum's toes, I said in awe to my sis.

Sis later wisely unblocked mum on WhatsApp.

Although I tried to treat that piece of news like mum's forwarded messages which wouldn't add value to anyone's life, I couldn't help but feel pity for Aunty Choy San.

I mean, family drama that involves money - especially inheritance - is a prickly issue.

My late-granny was wealthy, having inherited from my late-grandfather's watch business and two properties upon his death.

And when granny died, all her offspring benefited too (though some more than others).

We found out over a very awkward extended reunion dinner some few years ago when the red wine in my mum started her blurting out embarrassing secrets including how granny had given mum a jade bangle that many of her other children had fancied.

The reunion dinner was most memorable 'cos sis and I kept exchanging glances as we communicated with each other over subtle facial expressions that only we can interpret. 

I shared that news with Stanley my sex bunny friend who immediately was enthralled.

Though Stanley, himself the son of a wealthy businessman (and a very, very loud mother - the effervescent Mrs Monica Ong who wears her hair in a stylish bob and has the voice of an NDP commander), he has never had such theatrical plot twists within his family or extended family. 

"Your family is like a Korean drama," Stanley typed enviously on WhatsApp.

"My own family is like a Korean drama too - the North Korean type where everything is censored and sterile," said he who has never fancied an episode of K-drama in his life.

"And I'm very keen to know more about this Bum cousin of yours. I'm always interested in all things Bums," he said.

"Besides, inheritance drama always excites me - I'm always keen to see the family jewel."



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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people