Who's Your Daddy

These days, I feel like dyeing.

Mainly because I'm getting old.

Just the other day, I stared worryingly into the mirror, with my head turned as far as my eyes can see to examine the damage of what Age has done to me thus far.

It's as if Age came sneaking into my life while I was out partying one day and mercilessly punctured holes in my once-glorious jet black crown and let the lusture slowly seep out.

What's left on the sides of my hair is now sporadic lifeless dull grey patches, the kind of colour that is produced by a printer cartridge with fading robust black ink.

At this very moment, my life doesn't look very promising.

I'm officially in a grey area: Leave my hair as it is and I step into Silver Daddy territory; dye it black, and I could still extend my Young Daddy membership.

Seven minutes of self reflection and self-pity later, I had to peel myself away from the mirror.

I decided I needed group support.

I snapped three photos - the sides and the back of my head - and posted in my "Just the Boys" group chat that I share with Stanley my sex bunny friend and Carl the dense one.

"Your dad?" Stanley replied, immediately knowing it's me.

"Oh? Your dad!", Carl the dense one replied, not knowing what's going on in not just the virtual world but also the real world.

Sad but true.

Carl, all of nearly 40 years old,  is practically clueless, helpless and useless outside of his comfort zone of his home, office and gym.

"@Adam," Stanley's wrote, "why are you giving me head first thing in the morning?"

"And not in a good way either," Stanley said, adding a puking green faced icon.

The boys are divided in their opinion on my situation.

Carl, who looks the most youthful among us and has no grey hair, is quietly sympathetic.

He replied with a sad face icon followed by the icon of a bicep-flexing arm.

Then, deciding he could do better to support his ageing friend, posted a video of himself flexing his actual python-sized biceps.

Stanley, who is the first among us to have grey hair some five years ago, dismisses my concerns.

He sent a short video of himself rolling his eyes.

Up until that morning, I hadn't been too bothered by my hair.

Although I started noticing random strands of white hair appearing some three years ago, I hadn't been bothered by them because I had always been sporting longish hair which covered the whites up.

Recently, I decided to stop wearing curry puffs on my head so I opted for a short, spiky cut with really short sides.

That's when I got a root shock.

As I went about to run errands that day I can't help but feel very conscious of myself.

Every corner I turn - if there's a mirror - I will tilt my head to check if my hair were still white.

It still was.

For the rest of the day, I was nearly insane.

I swear I heard the cornflakes boxes laughing at my white hair as I strolled along the cereal aisle as two giggling girls ran past me in their youthful, girly game of catching.

I need to do something.

I need to be in control.

I glared angrily at the cornflakes, took one of them firmly by its side, placed it in my shopping trolley and moved on, separating the gossipy boxes by taking one of their friends away from them.

Who's laughing now. 

Back home, I made myself a cup of green tea - something I do when I'm stressed, facing a deadline, or when I want to relax.

And I began tackling this with clinical precision by making a list - to dye or not to dye.

On the not-to-dye column, one of the things that stood out for me most was this line: If I have white hair on my sides, I'll look distinguished and VIPs and CEOs I talk to will be convinced I have substance.

On my to-dye column: If I let myself go... the disease will spread to all healthy strands of black hair.

I snapped a photo of the list and asked the boys.


"Should I create an online poll on twitter to ask the virtual world for their opinion?"

Carl, who has a grand total of 7 followers on Twitter, including one fat cat named FunkyDJ or something, and a handful of solid torsos, immediately wrote: "YES".

Stanley resposted the video of himself rolling his eyes in response.

He later messaged me privately and said I need to face my fears and face the truth.

Some girls are totally fine in their own skin, posting photos of themselves without make up.

Yet, when they colour their faces, they look resplendent.

But still.... they're the same girl, he reasoned.

"What's more," Stanley said, "you should make full use of your current status now."

"You have a belly. And that makes you a dad.

"Coupled with your legit white hair, you can now attract those who have daddy issues and teddy issues."



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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people