After two months of staying home, I can't wait to get the hell out in the open.
To be free -- and legal at that -- at last!
Stanley my sex bunny friend knows exactly how I'm feeling.
"I know the pent-up emotions of waiting to release -- and when you finally get to do it, it's one big, happy gush," he said the other night over a three-way WhatsApp call with me and our dense friend Carl.
"And that feeling is definitely free, but I'm not sure if that's legal or not," Stanley added.
As usual, our slowpoke of a friend is confused.
"What's happening," Carl asked, as he mindlessly dug his ear and smelled his pinkie before flicking away what must be a sticky piece of ear wax.
"Carl!" Stanley screamed.
Our dense friend froze and looked at us timidly.
"Why did you flick that ear wax away?! It's a salty piece of gem! You shouldn't have wasted it! Next time, eat it!"
Our dense friend relaxed and melted into pure joy, clapping his hands with glee.
That night was one of our many, many three-way WhatsApp video calls in the last month.
And hopefully, the last.
And I'm starting to miss my boys very much and I want to see them in person.
At this moment, all three of us are in our respective homes.
Stanley is busy applying layer after layer of moisturiser on his face, his fringe pushed back by a hairband.
Carl, who had been digging his ears, has now moved on to his next regime of personal grooming: Trimming his nostril hair.
We got a full view of his snipping activity since Carl found that the iPhone camera was good enough as a mirror.
I was sitting on the balcony with a glass of Barefoot Shiraz and enjoying the breeze.
When this whole Circuit Breaker thing ends, what are the top few things you want to do for a week, I ask the boys.
"I want a few tops to do me for a week," Stanley said without missing a beat.
My best girlfriend Nisa listed the other day all the normal activities she's taken for granted but is now dying to do: Window shopping, café hopping, going to a salon for a full treatment.
My sex bunny friend Stanley too, wants to do the same: Window shopping (cruise around), café hopping (sleep around) and going to a salon for a full treatment (wash, blow, and a messy facial to end the entire session).
"When we are all legally allowed to get out, I'm gonna act like Ariel the mermaid who recently found legs -- I'll skip around town, bend over but to smell flowers, help children pick up their toys, twirl around the market and sing hello good morning to every uncle and aunty in the neighbourhood," said Stanley who stood up and skipped around his room to give us a preview of his musical production.
Carl the gym rabbit meanwhile, wants to act like he recently found not his legs but his arms.
Our Macho Mary friend is in dire need to give his deflating python-size arms a much-needed boost, given that he's not been lifting weights for at least two months.
"Darling, if you want to pump life into something, I can teach you many other ways to do just that. It will also involve grunting, sweating and definitely lots of swelling," Stanley said.
Carl physically retreated from his phone, repulsed by the idea of being taught Kamasutra moves by Stanley.
"I definitely want to go to the gym and make sure I get my arms back," Carl said with grim determination, and began flexing his arms in various positions.
"You know how, after a long time of being in outer space and you land on earth, you'll actually lose the sensation and ability to walk?" said Carl, who for once in his life is actually imparting nuggets of information to us.
Stanley waved his hand at his phone camera dismissively.
"That's utter rubbish," he said.
"I haven't used a certain part of my body in about two months, but that doesn't mean I'll forget how to use it. Trust me, it'll be like cycling. Once I find a sex partner after this Circuit Breaker and start to do it, it'll be like riding a bike," Stanley said, spouting words with multiple meanings.
"It's simple muscle memory."
Carl turned pale at that thought. If he himself has a weak memory to begin with, what more his muscles?!
He instinctively patted his biceps lovingly as if preparing to say goodbye to them.
"We should also all go out and have a nice meal," Stanley said.
"YES!" Carl and I said in unison.
It's been far too long since we had put on proper clothes and stepped out of the house.
We haven't groomed ourselves, sprayed perfume, styled our hair and gone out for a boys' night out in ages.
"I don't know if I'll fit into my jeans with all the eating," I said worriedly.
"I think my polo tees will be very loose on me," Carl said disappointedly, still patting his biceps.
"I don't know about my clothes, but for me, I'm pretty sure a certain part of my body has tightened up from disuse for months -- and I say it's about time to loosen it up with some meaningful activity," Stanley said.
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Adam's stories are based on real life events and inspired by real people
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